[ Vincent may be carrying a basket full of baked goods - savory and sweet - from those same neighbors. And his ears are ringing from the voiced concerns about how Sephiroth has been more reclusive than normal after... well.
Vincent deserves the feeling of guilt on that one. ]
Neither was mine.
[ ...Fair point. Even if you exclude the fact that he's suggesting that whole matter should be considered entertaining a guest. The only difference is that it's marginally better than being outside. Which brings up another point. ]
We can talk outside. I have lunch courtesy of your neighbors.
[Nor is he particularly looking for company. Being alone gave him time to try to sort himself out ... keyword 'try' ... and happily so far though the neighbors were curious or concerned, they weren't intrusive.
Nobody was. By and large Sephiroth was fine with being left alone aside from the occasional text. He could fake a lot through text.
Not so much in person. But he does reluctantly open the door, no sound of locking accompanying it. Vincent's aversion to sunlight isn't one he actually knows about, but he himself being outside could invite the inquisitous and well meaning. Apparently Sephiroth doesn't bother wearing the sturdy leathers he preferred fighting in when at home, since all he has is a teeshirt and a pair of astonishingly ordinary jeans, both black. Not even shoes are being bothered with.
He looks a bit thinner than last time they crossed paths. Food isn't really a priority most of the time.]
You should be careful. Once you take something you become a source of offloading extra muffins on forever.
[ Vincent at least had the courtesy not to be right on the front doorstep. A little outside what constitutes as the front yard for the burrow and far enough down the road not to be in direct line of sight of the windows just... holding his relic and a basket. It has some colorful, fresh flowers woven into the reeds that can be rescued and put into a vase to brighten up the room.
There's probably even a small vase inside for the purpose. Mostly it's filled with calorie rich items every growing lad needs.
Walking closer as Sephiroth appears at the door, the basket is proffered with an outstretched arm. Vincent does not seem to know the meaning of dressing casually. If there was a flower crown on his head we may never know as it would have been discreetly hung on a picket of someone's fence once he'd been left alone.
Those petals stuck in his hair could have come blowing in from anywhere in Willow. ]
Noted. I'll be more discreet in the future.
[ Implying more visits. It's clear Vincent's looking the teen up and down for a moment. But the press of his lips at signs of thinning is a concern hidden behind the collar of his cloak. ]
Sephiroth really can't fuss over someone wearing the same thing all the time, he did every time he left what passed as a home. But it did make Vincent very easy to spot in bright crimson and gleaming brass. He's not really concerned about being attacked again, either with gunfire or with poison, but there's still a certain.. hesitance.
He's not social. Never has been, didn't know what to do around people to begin with, even if the awkwardness of the reality of his existence didn't factor into it. What was the appropriate thing to say or do?
"Planning on returning?" There's an unspoken why in that. It would be best if he were just left alone to try to sort things out.
He hesitates visibly before taking the basket though, and turning around and disappearing inside. That the door is left open is probably as much of an invitation anyone can get.
How to be social. Vincent is probably the last person to learn good social habits from. At the same time, it makes him a quiet, introverted individual and maybe that will be easier to handle than someone much more gregarious.
He's armed of course. But who walks around without some sort of weapon and expects to remain safe in Folkmore? Moving closer to Sephiroth is every indication either of them need that he doesn't mean to use it.
"Would that bother you?" The answer then is yes. From time to time.
Vincent follows before closing the door behind him. What he is confronted with is a place shockingly more sparse than his own. But his is a matter of having just found the location and not enough time or lore to fill it with furnishings, books and small personal details; many of which might have to wait until he has a means of supplying a certain amount of heat to the cabin for when he is away.
Sephiroth has what passes for a bed and that's one up on the gunman. But it's little more than a cot and the rest of the furnishings might be arguably better than what prisoners in cells receive. Barely better than the room of coffins and corpses in which he slept for so many years. Worse because the teen lives here while awake. For a second there's a slight twitch of the brass-tipped fingers.
"Thought it would be better to come in person." The why is finally answered. To see how Sephiroth really is rather than relying on the occasional relic call or text.
"Yes." Would he tolerate it anyway? That .. remained to be seen. It wasn't as if he'd feel right driving the Turk off, no matter how justified he might be in doing it. Enemies was one thing, whatever nebulous and bizarre category Vincent fit into was another. Not quite an enemy, but also not really a friend. Enough of not-a-friend that he's very carefully and as thoroughly as he can masked any sign of the ongoing distress about the recent revelations.
His sparse furnishings suit him well. The homes in the Burrow were comfortable enough by way of heat, light and air flow, the rest was ... useful. But hardly necessary. What point was there in a refrigerator if he never had leftovers? Or a stove if he didn't cook? Or.. things at all, really, beyond a place to sleep and a place to do his schoolwork. But now there were leftovers, and it leaves him unsure what to do with it, setting the basket on the table before beginning a hunt through empty, useless cabinets for some cooler spot that might do as storage.
"...Is there something I can do for you, then?" It hadn't come with an ambush, they were now one for one on that respect, but what purpose would there be for a ... a social call or something? Maybe one of the spirits nagged him into it, that would be understandable. Sometimes they could be relentless.
It couldn't be some problem with anyone, he's been avoiding those staunchly. "...Would you like a muffin?" These are far too many for him to get through.
"Hm." It's a thoughtful sound but suggests the jury's still out whether Vincent will take Sephiroth's prompt answer to heart. The answer is no, but he may find a way to mitigate the footprint of his visits to the teenager. The sound of his footsteps are largely quiet out of habit. But Vincent is tall and there is an increase in the rustle of fabrics and the click of metal on wooden beam as he needs to duck past low arches that Sephiroth is still short enough to move with ease.
Maybe a low mutter of sound in annoyance.
At least having the home built in a mound provides some consistent climate whether heated or cooled. There's likely even a root cellar still undiscovered. Seeing Sephiroth fiddle around in search of a place to store the leftovers doesn't give Vincent and great insight to the usual structure of these homes, but it does let him observe that the first impression of the interior has even more bleak discoveries as to how Sephiroth has been living since coming to Folkmore.
"I'll take one." It's the polite thing to do. He will even eat it slowly. But first there's something to respond to.
"Have you been out to fight monsters lately?"
It'd be wrong to say Vincent has been watching Sephiroth all the time. Or even much since their last meeting. But this is another place where friendly and concerned spirits have been helpful. And no one had seen the teen head out into Cruel Summer recently among whatever other gaps existed in his rigid routine.
Eventually, he'll need somewhere suitable to a much taller man. Sephiroth as an adult clears six and a half feet with ease and this would not be a place he could navigate without braining himself on everything. There are perks to being fourteen and barely over five feet.
No time is spent attempting to guess which flavor might be preferred, he simply picks one at random and puts it on his only small saucer and then offers it in turn. He'd probably get through one or two himself before they began getting old, if he remembered to actually eat them. Or anything else. And by the slight flinch at being asked if he's been out fighting monsters, that's not something he's been thinking about. Or has been outright avoiding.
"No. I've .. had a lot of classwork to catch up on." That's a good excuse! Math waits for no student! "I don't think I'll be bothering for a while."
He enjoyed combat, the exertion, even the kill - not so much against people, but monsters? (but his own kind..?) That was different. That had been different. It's what he was trained to do, what he was bred to do. And now it felt like maybe indulging that was a very bad idea.
It seems Vincent will be dining on something with banana and nuts then. But did Sephiroth grab one for himself is the question?
"Going to join me?" In muffin snacking, of course. If there is anything close to an expectant look to ever cross Vincent's features, this is going to be it. If the excuse is only having one saucer, it will be promptly handed back, the muffin now held in one hand.
It's a very reasonable answer. But one that causes Vincent's gaze to drift toward whatever place Sephiroth's homework takes place on. Just how good is it going to hold up to an observant Turk? Whatever he finds, either half-finished exercise or completely clean desk surface, it really isn't going to change his answer.
"Your routine's changed." For people who live a normal life, this wouldn't be a shock or even worrisome by itself. But it only took Vincent a short time to investigate Sephiroth's recent activity. And in all the months the teen has been in Folkmore, the spirits had all but come to set their watches by his pattern. The changes have been as jarring as a wrench ground in cogwheels.
"Not going to clear the nests. Why do you think stopping is a good idea?"
He is at least, actually working through his backlog of education failures. Apparently, currently on the list is a half-written essay on the History of Mandalore, which may be a person, or a place, or a thing. Getting closer would be required to find out. He's been at it all day; the focus needed to actually write out an essay eludes him. There's too much else on his mind. "..I'm not very hungry. Feel free though."
To have more than one snack even! There's lots! And .. Sephiroth doesn't really want to eat any of them.
Maybe later. Very later. "How much do you know about my routine?" How long had he been watched? Turks have habits and scoping out a target first made sense. Cloud caught him on the same rigid scheduling as well, though that conflict hadn't ended in violence as yet. Anyone who paid attention would figure out his comings and goings, he supposed it didn't require stealth.
But it still sat a little uncomfortably, thinking he's being watched. "I don't think it's a good idea to keep encouraging that part of me." He .. can be honest about that, right? Even if it's reluctant. Acknowledging aloud that he might .. probably does, have the wrong set of instincts for what looks like a human teenager. "There's plenty of other people eager to do hunting. Someone took care of it before I arrived, after all."
What is a Mandalore? Would it even be relevant? But that's not the point of why someone educated through writing essays. It's the practice of doing so and, perhaps, being asked to read it out loud in front of an audience that is more often the goal.
Good skills for leaders who need to speak and write concise reports.
Food is more important. Such as when was the last time Sephiroth had it? Make no mistake, while it may be questioned how much Vincent truly needs to eat or drink or anything to keep his body functioning, he knows what the thinning stature and the lack of appetite suggest. He's experienced that before.
"Even if you aren't feeling hunger, you should take the time to eat at regular intervals." There is the sound of... empathy present. Vincent isn't going to start eating his food yet. There would be something that feels... off about doing so right in that moment.
Routines. That's an easy one to answer and it's probably not very surprising.
"I had a rough idea after we first spoke. But I didn't pursue it far once we set our second meeting." Three days was going to barely be enough time to prepare and set up, much less check on Sephiroth's habits. "After we talked at my cabin, I decided to..." There is a pause. His head turns away. "Check in on you."
Vincent doesn't expect this to be taken as a gesture of concern for Sephiroth. Nor would it be honest of him to say that's the only reason. But there is something surprisingly awkward in his delivery where he appears flustered by having to admit what one could absolutely consider just a reasonable thing to do; keep apprised of a dangerous threat's condition and movements.
Vincent has his own feelings which are in conflict. At the same time he's aware Sephiroth will not be easily convinced of any compassion. The gunman pulls himself together to face the next response.
There is a soft sigh and a closing of the man's eyes. When Sephiroth speaks of hunting monsters in such a way, it confirms one of Vincent's private concerns. And for this particular moment, it seems to be the most important thing to address.
"...There's risks with that choice." Deep, painful ones that Vincent has likely experienced. But he also can't immediately compare his own nature to Sephiroth's in this. Jenova is another type of monster, along with whatever else had been done.
The red eyes are on the youth again, this time as though trying to bore into Sephiroth and see to the very core of the teen.
"Do you feel the urge now? Has it gone dormant since you stopped culling monsters?" Or has it grown instead?
Sephiroth makes no move to actually find himself something to eat in the basket full of gifts, though he looks thoughtful for a moment. He'll get around to eating something sooner or later, it simply wasn't a priority, and being told he should prioritize it doesn't change that any. "A missed snack won't hurt me, Mr. Valentine." That he hasn't been eating much since getting out of the hospital but maintaining some level of his usual amount of exercise is entirely irrelevant.
That anyone could really be personally concerned about him isn't something that really makes any sense, and so he doesn't think about it. Even Zack could well be keeping friendly tabs on him because of Cloud and Aerith, or the friendship he has with a man fifteen years in the future. So there had to be other reasons, ones that ... involved stopping in and bringing snacks and ... it's a bit befuddling honestly. Or maybe he's overthinking it, and it's simply some attachment to one of his mothers. Vincent and Lucrecia had been close, hadn't they? And now that the moment of trying to kill him has passed, was there an obligation between friends to look in on the parentless child of that friend?
The basket is studied. It's definitely from his neighbors. But maybe such a potential social contract make Vincent more willing to visit. Maybe, as Vincent continues, it's not just one of his mothers that's gotten the Turk's interest. There could be many reasons.
"It's not like that." Finally the basket is just.. stowed in a cabinet. He'll probably remember it later. Maybe. "I don't care what the stories say, I don't have some sort of insatiable bloodlust that drives me to seek out targets to slaughter in the night." Want to scare a bunch of rural enemies? Invent a nightmare for them to fear. "I just.."
The battle over food is unlikely to be won this day; if only because it detracts from another reason that brought Vincent here. But he's concerned. A 'missed snack' is not even close to explaining the physical change in Sephiroth and it's clear from the look in the gunman's eyes that the teen is not fooling anybody. Though hearing the polite use of his surname draws a blink out of the man.
"...You can call me Vincent if you want." It's weird hearing anyone be that polite. But the statement invites Sephiroth to continue using honorifics if it feels more comfortable. Not like there's any uncomfortable mixup between that and Dr. Valentine, his father.
If Vincent had been left with a note from Lucrecia telling him to protect Sephiroth, he would have done so and died on that hill. But that never happened. Sometimes friends are close enough that they would and could feel obligated. That could be a large part of what the man feels, yet rather than just obligation, it's taken on a sense of personal responsibility that he can't quite put to words. Both of them have a lot to think about on the subject, it seems.
Right now, Vincent is mentally kicking himself for approaching this entirely the wrong way. He's dealt with young children like Marlene who go from 'concerned about his appearance' to 'hiding under his cloak when he shows signs of supporting her' in under two minutes. And for teenagers... there's Yuffie. Sephiroth is teenager who was emotionally and physically tormented since birth. 'Abuse' would be too light a word. Of course the propaganda about him, the rumors and fears all would leak back. The scientists probably wouldn't have bothered to keep their mouths shut in front of him either.
Vincent is so flustered that he brings up his right hand to cup his temple a moment.
"I... no. ...Sorry." It's all very unlike the man's behavior up til now, showing little or no reaction except in some extreme cases. Vincent makes a frustrated noise but it's very much directed at himself. Dropping his hand, he looks at Sephiroth again but this time his gaze seems to express concern.
"...I didn't mean it like that." There is a pause. "Explain what you want to in your own words. Help me understand. ...Please."
Some of this would be more shocking if Vincent were a familiar person, his habits and behaviors well known. Sephiroth doesn't know what's normal and what isn't, beyond a certainty that there isn't much chattiness to be had from the Turk, and a certain obvious reluctance to linger long in the light.
Plus a familiar plight, that might be the only reason he's allowed to ask such questions to begin with. They are terribly uncomfortable, force him to scrutinize his nature far more than he was happy with, sunder his occasional efforts to pretend it's not a problem. It is, it very much is, and no amount of pretending to be normal for Zack and Alluka would change that.
"When you're a behemoth." That's not answering the question, by the sound of it. And he doesn't look at Vincent in turn; anywhere BUT Vincent will do. "Doing what a behemoth does. What do you feel, when you come across unexpected prey? Do you ever go looking for it?"
Maybe over time Sephiroth will get to recognize Vincent's normal habits and personality. Time will tell. And it'll require a lot more meetings and association like this.
Also spend twenty years in a dark basement and see how you feel about the light level of anything more brilliant than a candle.
Uncomfortable indeed. While Vincent came here expecting it to come up, it's not as if he talks about it a lot. His friends had come to accept it without a lot of discussion. He'd been... grateful that they'd let him remain reticent about sharing what it was like or how it felt. Well, mostly left him be. There were probably some moments.
But, a behemoth. While the galian beast blends the conformation of man and behemoth into a hybrid, it's probably the best way to describe it so there's only a slight shift of his stance to express any uncertainty.
"Do you mean is there an instinct to hunt it down? Yes. There is a strong... drive to find it." What he would do on locating it and finding it was an innocent... Vincent abruptly moves on.
"If you want to know if I feel the urge to find something to hunt when my enemies are gone..." This causes Vincent to pause and reach- perhaps reluctantly but he does reach- to sort through the haphazard memories of controlled and not so controlled metamorphosis. "... Maybe. Possibly."
There's an even longer pause.
"The beast you've seen... isn't the only one that can come out." There are others, each a style of urges and instincts. Chaos and the galian beast were most distinct. The others... blended. So often sating one was enough to keep the rest at bay. Chaos is gone now but its whole existence is still painfully fresh on Vincent's mind.
...The nightmares it might come back would certainly not allow him to forget.
If he's going to be asked prying, painfully uncomfortable questions, he's going to ask them in return. The purpose isn't to cause discomfort explicitly, but to try to get a baseline for what he does, and does not, have to try to explain in detail. If it made Vincent more hesitant to ask such things in the future, that was just a pleasant side effect.
This entire situation forced him to think about what he was, when he emphatically didn't want to. The line between clarity and the proverbial abyss was razor thin, and he didn't know what would wind up being too much.
"Do you feel the same, under their shape as the behemoth?" Different monsters had different instincts, perhaps. That Vincent has more than one form to wear didn't seem surprising in the face of the fact that he could do it at all. What's a few more, after there's already one?
It's only fair. Vincent understands this isn't just a need to strike back at a painful subject. Even if it had that element, these things would be reasonable to ask anyway. To... tell. Sadly it won't change Vincent's goal by blocking questions though it may make him think of better ways to approach it.
But it's clear this all requires a lot of thinking back on the moments Sephiroth asks about. That the gunman isn't an old hand and familiar with pursuing these parts of himself in any meaningful way. There are signs in how he grasps for the information in a way to deliver it quickly in response. He's not looking for ways to avoid it. He might have found plenty of records- those on Chaos were certainly detailed and left for him and there were possibly other messy notes. But even the most meticulous records would have not described the experience of it.
But Vincent made it pretty clear when he sought to urge Sephiroth to consider his own self and not worry about what he or Lucrecia or Hojo ever wanted. 'It took me... a long time to learn that lesson' he had said. And apparently a long time meant fairly recently in the two decades or so.
"Hmmm. There are differences," he finally states. Vincent's eyes are closed, searching memories, feelings. "The... form of the behemoth has the most animal instinct. Food, enemy, territory, kin." ...Allies, friends. People who he doesn't attack even when the transformation comes roaring out of control. "But in some ways that's easier. Or... I've just grown most comfortable with it?" The forms didn't exactly manifest all at once regardless of whether they'd always been there. Or maybe it was a shift in his thinking that caused them. The more he killed, the closer they came to the surface.
Heaving a sigh, Vincent shakes his head. While his eyes open he turns his features away. "Hmph. I thought this would be easier," he mutters.
"It's always easier to be the questioner, than the one expected to answer."
As much an acknowledgment as reminder that he'd been asked similar unpleasant things. But at least for the one form he'd seen, animalistic seemed accurate. It reacted like a beast when startled, not like a man. Could be intimidated even for a moment by a bigger seeming predator.
Animals could be contended with.
But their experiences with the monstrous are ... very different. He didn't become something different. He always was. And not knowing what human baseline was supposed to be like, telling what's typical from what isn't, is very difficult. "I don't have anything to compare myself to. Apparently I never will." He's unique, for better or worse. "I don't know if it's normal for other fighters, or completely strange. Does any other SOLDIER grow ... restless, if they don't find things to keep themselves occupied with? Is violence an easier solution the longer they remain idle? It's always there. The knowledge I could kill you where you stand, and it probably wouldn't even be hard. Not because you're a problem or a rival or likely to attack, but because .. you're there."
He's a fourteen year old boy. He speaks as if it's a foregone conclusion, not a life or death struggle he could lose.
There are no other active-types he's spoken to besides Zack and Zack ... has been through too much for Sephiroth to consider prying, painful questions. "Do other SOLDIERs feel that? Do they feel satisfaction at eradicating nests of monsters the way I do? It's not ... pleasure. It's not fun. I know what that is, and it's not that." Fun is a very rare thing, but he knows the difference! "Killing people isn't much different than killing a monster, once you get past the begging."
Something in the tone of that suggests getting past the begging is actually a struggle. A large one. He knows people aren't monsters, but if Shinra said kill, he killed. It doesn't show in his bearing, or his expression, he's being careful this time. "Maybe the monster that I am recognizes rivals and won't tolerate them, I don't know. But the thought's there. It's easy to disregard. I don't enjoy killing." Anything, ever.
But he does anyway, and not infrequently. It relieves the impulse a little, assuages the thoughts he'd always assumed was thanks to skilled instruction and not ... alien instinct.
Vincent has to transform to truly manifest the vast bulk of the hidden power in his body and often he's fighting to guide and control it rather than sink into those instincts and make them his. Save one exception, where he learned how to harness Chaos and still retain his human form.
But that's a trick he can no longer do nor is there any reason to expect the other manifestations could be harnessed in a similar fashion, with or without corresponding materia. Chaos had been... unique.
"Neither of us do." Unique, Vincent had called himself and the teen at an earlier time and place. He certainly isn't taking that back now. "I don't know. My impression of Zack..." This actually draws a brief snort of dry humor. "He seems like he was like that before he joined SOLDIER."
Cloud must cross his mind because there is a moment's troubled expression. But speaking about the blond to Sephiroth seems wrong and certainly wouldn't come easy without the goad of ice cream. But during the long tale, it's likely the teen was told enough that it was painfully clear that Cloud's mental state was in no way an appropriate one to determining if there was some instinctive, restless urge to kill.
"They're the only two members of SOLDIER I've had more than brief dealings with. Besides you." And by that standard, Zack barely countered. But given the physical and mental needs to make it into the elite force, it honestly wouldn't suprise Vincent that they're an extremely active lot. You kept them busy or you wound up in trouble.
The two who Sephiroth should ask are also the two he can't or won't. But for other fighters? Other professions?
"As a Turk, we're trained to not let personal feelings get in the way of a job." Before the monsters, before the experiments, there was Vincent's former employment. "If you can't, you're out." And if you've been in too long, you need to disappear very quickly or you will be disappeared. Vincent let personal feelings get in the way of his job to a degree. He might have been reprimanded if Hojo hadn't shot him. He might have been let go. He certainly would have been kept under close watch.
"We're also taught to assess our targets. Weigh them against our own ability and find ways to make up for where we lack for a successful mission." It's barely similar. But there is a need for this context. One that is given when Vincent's regard is steadily focused on Sephiroth again.
"Because of the way Shinra trained you, it's going to be hard to separate what you were trained to think and what might come from the Jenova in you. Especially if they are enhanced because the teaching and instinct align." He has little doubt that for their perfect weapon, they'd even encouraged that. But that doesn't mean the concern about Sephiroth's base instincts are any less valid.
...Still, for Sephiroth, it's not pleasure or fun. Neither of these things Vincent can completely separate from his own experiences. Ask him about it sometime; those 'others' he really avoided bringing up. Anyway, this sobers him considerably.
"Sephiroth," his pitch has lowered and his tone... well it's deeper. Perhaps a little relieved. And it's not just the stated response he's referring to. "You're right. It's not all much different. Killing a human or killing a monster." Even monsters often have feelings... senses. A desire to live. "People... humans reach that point on their own sometimes. In war, as hired thugs. Or assassins. Most manage to convince themselves because it's orders. Or they're fighting to protect something."
"That it's not fun... or gives you pleasure. That you struggle." Yes, the tone gave the teen away. "And... you don't enjoy killing. Those aren't the Jenova I know." Not the Sephiroth he knows either.
It would be easy to leave it there. But it's not exactly enough. Vincent closes his eyes again. Yes, despite Sephiroth having so calmly admitted with calm confidence that it would be easy to simply kill Vincent.
"For myself. If I avoid giving into the ....impulses. The restlessness, it will continue to build. Until the slightest provocation wrests it out of my hands and I can only hope the blood in my mouth or on my hands after isn't... innocent."
The worst part is that he may well remember it, in fragments, in full or in nightmares. He has his hands lifted before him, studied. The saucer and its muffin have long been set aside in some convenient crook of architecture of built in cabinetry or shelf.
"...For the part of you that might have urges like that, I wanted to say it's better to handle them on your terms than risk the alternative."
There's one similarity though. "SOLDIER is taught similarly. Or at least, the active-types. A SOLDIER led by their emotions has no place on the battlefield... P0s seem to have more leeway." No, everyone but him has more leeway. Zack obviously hasn't been held to those rigorously cold standards. "Things like remorse or regret or pity are grounds for repremand at best." And hesitation would get a SOLDIER killed. An 'innocent child' rarely was. An old person was merely a seasoned veteran. It seemed everyone Shinra expected to carry a gun was similarly expected to be ruthlessly efficient.
Presumably a Turk had no access to sensitive information until well after they were fit for duty, and thus ejecting a rookie wouldn't be too catastrophic, though the demotion might sting. Did SOLDIERs get that option? Even the P0s were young, compared to the lifespan a human was capable of.
He winces at having it spelled out so plainly that he shouldn't, but does, hesitate when his opponents are human. That's something he'd be firmly rebuked for, more scenarios and combat trials to work on exorcising his reluctance. It had gotten him hurt already on Rhadore, and such clumsiness would not be acceptable as a SOLDIER. But should he be returned to Shinra, Vincent didn't seem likely as yet to tell his 'caregivers' of his endless flaws in form and resolve.
"I've never lost control like that." Was that a comfort, or just a 'yet'? Did he want to find out? Sephiroth had one advantage over Vincent; he didn't become a monster, there was no overriding change of instincts and impulses. He's been the same since he was born, one being and not several beasts jammed together. "It might not get to the point of indiscriminate aggression. If it never would, then ... indulging the parasite might just make it stronger."
Speaking of. 'Parasite'. He raises one hand, rubbing the bridge of his nose slowly, as if the beginnings of a headache were encroaching. "Though I'm not sure calling Jenova .. or myself a parasite is ... accurate, if she and my future self are active killers. Parasites generally don't annihilate their food source. My ... reticence might be a better sign of it than that."
There is a quiet nod. There's no surprise here; jobs like these and... well, many jobs without killing in the description are like that on some level. The higher the risk of death for letting personal feelings into it, the more strict the requirement.
Zack was an idealist through and through. The P0s... they were a bit maverick likely because they knew they were expendable assets. Maybe if they survived and stayed with Shinra, they may have found themselves shuffled off to Deepground or something else. Surviving against all odds was never a good trait when Hojo was around to notice it.
If anything, Vincent seems to be approving that Sephiroth finds it difficult to kill, much less kill human targets. It was grouped with traits that stood against Jenova's insidious influence. Implied therefore to be human qualities. But it isn't a matter pressed further now. The wince tells the gunman that it's very much seen in the negative because of course it is. And pursuing it might backfire. Suggest that Vincent is taking note of it rather than simply trying to encourage.
There instead comes another nod. Is Vincent jealous? Not at all. It's just the nature of the differences and you can even say he is very fortunate to not have had Jenova added to the experiments on him. "That would be ideal," Vincent agrees. There's not a hint that he lacks sincerity or that he isn't taking it seriously; including the theory that indulging might strengthen the parasite. This leads him to think over the possibility. But these thoughts will be interrupted as Sephiroth tries to rationalize what he, what Jenova is. And...
Vincent regards the teen steadily. "I don't know what Jenova's goal really was. We only have the accounts that survived through Gast's recordings of Ifalna and old records." The latter misinterpreted Jenova as a Cetra. The former were how the Cetra viewed the calamity that descended on them and how it warped the planet." Vincent had no doubt gone over these facts in his retelling and the ones that follow.
"I was told the Sephiroth we fought had once believed he was the chosen inheritor of the planet with his 'Mother'. He killed humans because he saw them as the traitors that cowered and hid while the Cetra died to fight the ancient menace. But at that point, he hadn't been aware that the Calamity of the legends... and Jenova... were one and the same. If Jenova 'spoke' to him or grew stronger, it never seemed to change. Sephiroth... never seemed to become Jenova. Even before, with another decade of killing beyond your experience. Everything points to what happened in Nibelheim. Maybe the proximity to Jenova's main body. And... a mental factor."
Leaving an already socially withdrawn, told he was important, chosen, special and 'feeling different' than anyone else Sephiroth to brood unchecked for five days on his own in a basement filled with incorrect theories on the nature of his origins... Vincent is determined to not let that repeat. And by then, so much more of what Sephiroth calls reticence had been bled out of him by Shinra's scientists and the isolation.
Never when Vincent speaks of 'that Sephiroth' has there ever been hatred. Sadness, weary. Even resignation. But never anger. And that holds true now, though it's clear he still distinguishes a difference between the one he remembers and the one before him today.
"It might be that Jenova shaped worlds to suit her...its needs. The Cetra and the world rejected the influence. Guess it seems like a parasite. ...I suppose it was more like a virus." Vincent lets out a sigh.
"I guess it's better to not to try and label it. Either as parasite or virus. Are you alright?" He has noticed the physical gesture, takes a step forward while studying Sephiroth. "...When was the last time you ate?"
It's not that easy for him to set it aside. What he was, what he would do, what hung over his head like a sword dangling from a thread. The Fox offered some hope, that things could change, that people didn't have to die, that maybe things even on other worlds he had no chance of ever seeing could be helped.. but if he couldn't stop himself, how could he stop disaster from falling elsewhere? Knowing what he was, exactly what he was ... was part of that.
Although there's a low noise of disagreement, he doesn't speak on it further right now. That might be something he has to figure out for himself, like he'd been trying to do til now. Maybe he'd be best off visiting one of the other colleges, see what they could tell him about his nature, or what alien 'abilities' he should be watching for. "A monster by any other name is still a beast," is the only thing actually said about it, and seems to be agreement.
It's best he doesn't cause other people who were involved more problems than he already has. At the step forward, his attention snaps right back up into focus, a frown crossing his face. "I'll eat when I'm hungry. If I try to overdo it I'll get sick instead." There is an important difference between going without and overeating, but it's one he's ignoring. "Of all the things to be asking about, that's a minor concern at best."
Vincent hadn't meant to suggest they be set aside. But until they can find out more, maybe not apply those labels, since they would inevitably carry over to how Sephiroth perceives himself. And it's already negative enough without the meaning behind those specific labels. But he got distracted by the signs of stress.
"Hm. Just meant we should look into it more before comparing it to something."
But this seems to be less important right now for Vincent does not agree that it's a minor concern. "Might be less important than Jenova. But it's not something you should ignore. Besides, you're avoiding the question. When's the last time you ate?"
And then, as if he's in his own home, Vincent starts to calmly walk past Sephiroth to what is marked off as 'kitchen' in the house with the intention of searching for signs of... well, food; eaten or otherwise. Is there really going to be any signs of something beyond what he literally just brought in?
And there's no answer forthcoming either, stress turns so easily to irritation and irritation to anger, but he doesn't act on it. Who was Vincent to come turning up and nagging him about meals like some kind of orderly worried his job hinged on the answer? "You forget yourself. I don't answer to you."
But he is unfortunately very efficient with his meals, when he is making them. Only the lore-gathering spoon is to be found out and about, any dishes or glasses or other silverware he might use neatly cleaned and put away. Keeping food on hand just to sit there and be looked at wasn't sensible, creating it as he needed to was.
Like everything else, it's empty. Everything's empty, aside from a small array of keychains with ... variations of Stamp on them, apparently, and a single glass box with a special locket in it tucked safely away from where it could be accidentally run into, right next to the sheathed katana he'd attacked Vincent with. He hadn't gotten rid of that locket, in spite of the revelations about his horrifying origins.
Yes, the absent of food doesn't mean the food hasn't been consumed. There are spoons, there is takeout. Sephiroth probably wouldn't have thought to take steps that would be common sense to anyone who had grown up with a normal routine.
"No." Vincent didn't have to take long to inspect things, did he? And of course there might have been a slight hesitation when he saw the locket but the gunman didn't linger.
"And you don't answer to Shinra's scientists right now. Or Hojo." But every sign in the home suggests the teen is living like he does. After turning back to Sephiroth, Vincent crosses his arms.
"It's a practical concern. You should plan and schedule regular, nutritious meals each day. You are an active young man even without hunting monsters." School, travel... being teenager. "You are currently the only one responsible for maintaining the intake and nutrients your body needs to sustain your mental and physical well-being."
Vincent might be stopping by to remind him about it, but he isn't an orderly. It may be more than just a practical concern for him, but phrasing it that way might make it more bearable to hear.
"Sephiroth, being able to endure something beyond human limits... even your limits, does not mean you'll be fine ignoring the benefits regular meals, sleep and rest bring. Right now, you're trying to process all you've learned and trying to make sense of it. The longer you ignore your body's needs, the harder it's going to get to do so.
Only here does the gunman's gaze slip downward. "I'm no stranger to what it's like to lose a taste for food. I understand why it's a struggle to bother."
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2024-06-06 07:06 pm (UTC)Vincent deserves the feeling of guilt on that one. ]
Neither was mine.
[ ...Fair point. Even if you exclude the fact that he's suggesting that whole matter should be considered entertaining a guest. The only difference is that it's marginally better than being outside. Which brings up another point. ]
We can talk outside. I have lunch courtesy of your neighbors.
no subject
Date: 2024-06-06 07:15 pm (UTC)[Nor is he particularly looking for company. Being alone gave him time to try to sort himself out ... keyword 'try' ... and happily so far though the neighbors were curious or concerned, they weren't intrusive.
Nobody was. By and large Sephiroth was fine with being left alone aside from the occasional text. He could fake a lot through text.
Not so much in person. But he does reluctantly open the door, no sound of locking accompanying it. Vincent's aversion to sunlight isn't one he actually knows about, but he himself being outside could invite the inquisitous and well meaning. Apparently Sephiroth doesn't bother wearing the sturdy leathers he preferred fighting in when at home, since all he has is a teeshirt and a pair of astonishingly ordinary jeans, both black. Not even shoes are being bothered with.
He looks a bit thinner than last time they crossed paths. Food isn't really a priority most of the time.]
You should be careful. Once you take something you become a source of offloading extra muffins on forever.
no subject
Date: 2024-06-06 08:35 pm (UTC)There's probably even a small vase inside for the purpose. Mostly it's filled with calorie rich items every growing lad needs.
Walking closer as Sephiroth appears at the door, the basket is proffered with an outstretched arm. Vincent does not seem to know the meaning of dressing casually. If there was a flower crown on his head we may never know as it would have been discreetly hung on a picket of someone's fence once he'd been left alone.
Those petals stuck in his hair could have come blowing in from anywhere in Willow. ]
Noted. I'll be more discreet in the future.
[ Implying more visits. It's clear Vincent's looking the teen up and down for a moment. But the press of his lips at signs of thinning is a concern hidden behind the collar of his cloak. ]
... o/` i'm switching to prose. html can die in a fire
Date: 2024-06-06 09:09 pm (UTC)He's not social. Never has been, didn't know what to do around people to begin with, even if the awkwardness of the reality of his existence didn't factor into it. What was the appropriate thing to say or do?
"Planning on returning?" There's an unspoken why in that. It would be best if he were just left alone to try to sort things out.
He hesitates visibly before taking the basket though, and turning around and disappearing inside. That the door is left open is probably as much of an invitation anyone can get.
no subject
Date: 2024-06-06 09:38 pm (UTC)He's armed of course. But who walks around without some sort of weapon and expects to remain safe in Folkmore? Moving closer to Sephiroth is every indication either of them need that he doesn't mean to use it.
"Would that bother you?" The answer then is yes. From time to time.
Vincent follows before closing the door behind him. What he is confronted with is a place shockingly more sparse than his own. But his is a matter of having just found the location and not enough time or lore to fill it with furnishings, books and small personal details; many of which might have to wait until he has a means of supplying a certain amount of heat to the cabin for when he is away.
Sephiroth has what passes for a bed and that's one up on the gunman. But it's little more than a cot and the rest of the furnishings might be arguably better than what prisoners in cells receive. Barely better than the room of coffins and corpses in which he slept for so many years. Worse because the teen lives here while awake. For a second there's a slight twitch of the brass-tipped fingers.
"Thought it would be better to come in person." The why is finally answered. To see how Sephiroth really is rather than relying on the occasional relic call or text.
no subject
Date: 2024-06-06 09:52 pm (UTC)His sparse furnishings suit him well. The homes in the Burrow were comfortable enough by way of heat, light and air flow, the rest was ... useful. But hardly necessary. What point was there in a refrigerator if he never had leftovers? Or a stove if he didn't cook? Or.. things at all, really, beyond a place to sleep and a place to do his schoolwork. But now there were leftovers, and it leaves him unsure what to do with it, setting the basket on the table before beginning a hunt through empty, useless cabinets for some cooler spot that might do as storage.
"...Is there something I can do for you, then?" It hadn't come with an ambush, they were now one for one on that respect, but what purpose would there be for a ... a social call or something? Maybe one of the spirits nagged him into it, that would be understandable. Sometimes they could be relentless.
It couldn't be some problem with anyone, he's been avoiding those staunchly. "...Would you like a muffin?" These are far too many for him to get through.
no subject
Date: 2024-06-06 10:26 pm (UTC)Maybe a low mutter of sound in annoyance.
At least having the home built in a mound provides some consistent climate whether heated or cooled. There's likely even a root cellar still undiscovered. Seeing Sephiroth fiddle around in search of a place to store the leftovers doesn't give Vincent and great insight to the usual structure of these homes, but it does let him observe that the first impression of the interior has even more bleak discoveries as to how Sephiroth has been living since coming to Folkmore.
"I'll take one." It's the polite thing to do. He will even eat it slowly. But first there's something to respond to.
"Have you been out to fight monsters lately?"
It'd be wrong to say Vincent has been watching Sephiroth all the time. Or even much since their last meeting. But this is another place where friendly and concerned spirits have been helpful. And no one had seen the teen head out into Cruel Summer recently among whatever other gaps existed in his rigid routine.
no subject
Date: 2024-06-06 10:59 pm (UTC)No time is spent attempting to guess which flavor might be preferred, he simply picks one at random and puts it on his only small saucer and then offers it in turn. He'd probably get through one or two himself before they began getting old, if he remembered to actually eat them. Or anything else. And by the slight flinch at being asked if he's been out fighting monsters, that's not something he's been thinking about. Or has been outright avoiding.
"No. I've .. had a lot of classwork to catch up on." That's a good excuse! Math waits for no student! "I don't think I'll be bothering for a while."
He enjoyed combat, the exertion, even the kill - not so much against people, but monsters? (but his own kind..?) That was different. That had been different. It's what he was trained to do, what he was bred to do. And now it felt like maybe indulging that was a very bad idea.
no subject
Date: 2024-06-06 11:30 pm (UTC)"Going to join me?" In muffin snacking, of course. If there is anything close to an expectant look to ever cross Vincent's features, this is going to be it. If the excuse is only having one saucer, it will be promptly handed back, the muffin now held in one hand.
It's a very reasonable answer. But one that causes Vincent's gaze to drift toward whatever place Sephiroth's homework takes place on. Just how good is it going to hold up to an observant Turk? Whatever he finds, either half-finished exercise or completely clean desk surface, it really isn't going to change his answer.
"Your routine's changed." For people who live a normal life, this wouldn't be a shock or even worrisome by itself. But it only took Vincent a short time to investigate Sephiroth's recent activity. And in all the months the teen has been in Folkmore, the spirits had all but come to set their watches by his pattern. The changes have been as jarring as a wrench ground in cogwheels.
"Not going to clear the nests. Why do you think stopping is a good idea?"
no subject
Date: 2024-06-06 11:45 pm (UTC)To have more than one snack even! There's lots! And .. Sephiroth doesn't really want to eat any of them.
Maybe later. Very later. "How much do you know about my routine?" How long had he been watched? Turks have habits and scoping out a target first made sense. Cloud caught him on the same rigid scheduling as well, though that conflict hadn't ended in violence as yet. Anyone who paid attention would figure out his comings and goings, he supposed it didn't require stealth.
But it still sat a little uncomfortably, thinking he's being watched. "I don't think it's a good idea to keep encouraging that part of me." He .. can be honest about that, right? Even if it's reluctant. Acknowledging aloud that he might .. probably does, have the wrong set of instincts for what looks like a human teenager. "There's plenty of other people eager to do hunting. Someone took care of it before I arrived, after all."
no subject
Date: 2024-06-07 12:35 am (UTC)Good skills for leaders who need to speak and write concise reports.
Food is more important. Such as when was the last time Sephiroth had it? Make no mistake, while it may be questioned how much Vincent truly needs to eat or drink or anything to keep his body functioning, he knows what the thinning stature and the lack of appetite suggest. He's experienced that before.
"Even if you aren't feeling hunger, you should take the time to eat at regular intervals." There is the sound of... empathy present. Vincent isn't going to start eating his food yet. There would be something that feels... off about doing so right in that moment.
Routines. That's an easy one to answer and it's probably not very surprising.
"I had a rough idea after we first spoke. But I didn't pursue it far once we set our second meeting." Three days was going to barely be enough time to prepare and set up, much less check on Sephiroth's habits. "After we talked at my cabin, I decided to..." There is a pause. His head turns away. "Check in on you."
Vincent doesn't expect this to be taken as a gesture of concern for Sephiroth. Nor would it be honest of him to say that's the only reason. But there is something surprisingly awkward in his delivery where he appears flustered by having to admit what one could absolutely consider just a reasonable thing to do; keep apprised of a dangerous threat's condition and movements.
Vincent has his own feelings which are in conflict. At the same time he's aware Sephiroth will not be easily convinced of any compassion. The gunman pulls himself together to face the next response.
There is a soft sigh and a closing of the man's eyes. When Sephiroth speaks of hunting monsters in such a way, it confirms one of Vincent's private concerns. And for this particular moment, it seems to be the most important thing to address.
"...There's risks with that choice." Deep, painful ones that Vincent has likely experienced. But he also can't immediately compare his own nature to Sephiroth's in this. Jenova is another type of monster, along with whatever else had been done.
The red eyes are on the youth again, this time as though trying to bore into Sephiroth and see to the very core of the teen.
"Do you feel the urge now? Has it gone dormant since you stopped culling monsters?" Or has it grown instead?
no subject
Date: 2024-06-07 10:51 am (UTC)That anyone could really be personally concerned about him isn't something that really makes any sense, and so he doesn't think about it. Even Zack could well be keeping friendly tabs on him because of Cloud and Aerith, or the friendship he has with a man fifteen years in the future. So there had to be other reasons, ones that ... involved stopping in and bringing snacks and ... it's a bit befuddling honestly. Or maybe he's overthinking it, and it's simply some attachment to one of his mothers. Vincent and Lucrecia had been close, hadn't they? And now that the moment of trying to kill him has passed, was there an obligation between friends to look in on the parentless child of that friend?
The basket is studied. It's definitely from his neighbors. But maybe such a potential social contract make Vincent more willing to visit. Maybe, as Vincent continues, it's not just one of his mothers that's gotten the Turk's interest. There could be many reasons.
"It's not like that." Finally the basket is just.. stowed in a cabinet. He'll probably remember it later. Maybe. "I don't care what the stories say, I don't have some sort of insatiable bloodlust that drives me to seek out targets to slaughter in the night." Want to scare a bunch of rural enemies? Invent a nightmare for them to fear. "I just.."
no subject
Date: 2024-06-07 03:54 pm (UTC)"...You can call me Vincent if you want." It's weird hearing anyone be that polite. But the statement invites Sephiroth to continue using honorifics if it feels more comfortable. Not like there's any uncomfortable mixup between that and Dr. Valentine, his father.
If Vincent had been left with a note from Lucrecia telling him to protect Sephiroth, he would have done so and died on that hill. But that never happened. Sometimes friends are close enough that they would and could feel obligated. That could be a large part of what the man feels, yet rather than just obligation, it's taken on a sense of personal responsibility that he can't quite put to words. Both of them have a lot to think about on the subject, it seems.
Right now, Vincent is mentally kicking himself for approaching this entirely the wrong way. He's dealt with young children like Marlene who go from 'concerned about his appearance' to 'hiding under his cloak when he shows signs of supporting her' in under two minutes. And for teenagers... there's Yuffie. Sephiroth is teenager who was emotionally and physically tormented since birth. 'Abuse' would be too light a word. Of course the propaganda about him, the rumors and fears all would leak back. The scientists probably wouldn't have bothered to keep their mouths shut in front of him either.
Vincent is so flustered that he brings up his right hand to cup his temple a moment.
"I... no. ...Sorry." It's all very unlike the man's behavior up til now, showing little or no reaction except in some extreme cases. Vincent makes a frustrated noise but it's very much directed at himself. Dropping his hand, he looks at Sephiroth again but this time his gaze seems to express concern.
"...I didn't mean it like that." There is a pause. "Explain what you want to in your own words. Help me understand. ...Please."
no subject
Date: 2024-06-07 05:18 pm (UTC)Plus a familiar plight, that might be the only reason he's allowed to ask such questions to begin with. They are terribly uncomfortable, force him to scrutinize his nature far more than he was happy with, sunder his occasional efforts to pretend it's not a problem. It is, it very much is, and no amount of pretending to be normal for Zack and Alluka would change that.
"When you're a behemoth." That's not answering the question, by the sound of it. And he doesn't look at Vincent in turn; anywhere BUT Vincent will do. "Doing what a behemoth does. What do you feel, when you come across unexpected prey? Do you ever go looking for it?"
no subject
Date: 2024-06-07 05:43 pm (UTC)Also spend twenty years in a dark basement and see how you feel about the light level of anything more brilliant than a candle.
Uncomfortable indeed. While Vincent came here expecting it to come up, it's not as if he talks about it a lot. His friends had come to accept it without a lot of discussion. He'd been... grateful that they'd let him remain reticent about sharing what it was like or how it felt. Well, mostly left him be. There were probably some moments.
But, a behemoth. While the galian beast blends the conformation of man and behemoth into a hybrid, it's probably the best way to describe it so there's only a slight shift of his stance to express any uncertainty.
"Do you mean is there an instinct to hunt it down? Yes. There is a strong... drive to find it." What he would do on locating it and finding it was an innocent... Vincent abruptly moves on.
"If you want to know if I feel the urge to find something to hunt when my enemies are gone..." This causes Vincent to pause and reach- perhaps reluctantly but he does reach- to sort through the haphazard memories of controlled and not so controlled metamorphosis. "... Maybe. Possibly."
There's an even longer pause.
"The beast you've seen... isn't the only one that can come out." There are others, each a style of urges and instincts. Chaos and the galian beast were most distinct. The others... blended. So often sating one was enough to keep the rest at bay. Chaos is gone now but its whole existence is still painfully fresh on Vincent's mind.
...The nightmares it might come back would certainly not allow him to forget.
no subject
Date: 2024-06-07 07:57 pm (UTC)This entire situation forced him to think about what he was, when he emphatically didn't want to. The line between clarity and the proverbial abyss was razor thin, and he didn't know what would wind up being too much.
"Do you feel the same, under their shape as the behemoth?" Different monsters had different instincts, perhaps. That Vincent has more than one form to wear didn't seem surprising in the face of the fact that he could do it at all. What's a few more, after there's already one?
no subject
Date: 2024-06-07 09:03 pm (UTC)But it's clear this all requires a lot of thinking back on the moments Sephiroth asks about. That the gunman isn't an old hand and familiar with pursuing these parts of himself in any meaningful way. There are signs in how he grasps for the information in a way to deliver it quickly in response. He's not looking for ways to avoid it. He might have found plenty of records- those on Chaos were certainly detailed and left for him and there were possibly other messy notes. But even the most meticulous records would have not described the experience of it.
But Vincent made it pretty clear when he sought to urge Sephiroth to consider his own self and not worry about what he or Lucrecia or Hojo ever wanted. 'It took me... a long time to learn that lesson' he had said. And apparently a long time meant fairly recently in the two decades or so.
"Hmmm. There are differences," he finally states. Vincent's eyes are closed, searching memories, feelings. "The... form of the behemoth has the most animal instinct. Food, enemy, territory, kin." ...Allies, friends. People who he doesn't attack even when the transformation comes roaring out of control. "But in some ways that's easier. Or... I've just grown most comfortable with it?" The forms didn't exactly manifest all at once regardless of whether they'd always been there. Or maybe it was a shift in his thinking that caused them. The more he killed, the closer they came to the surface.
Heaving a sigh, Vincent shakes his head. While his eyes open he turns his features away. "Hmph. I thought this would be easier," he mutters.
no subject
Date: 2024-06-07 09:49 pm (UTC)As much an acknowledgment as reminder that he'd been asked similar unpleasant things. But at least for the one form he'd seen, animalistic seemed accurate. It reacted like a beast when startled, not like a man. Could be intimidated even for a moment by a bigger seeming predator.
Animals could be contended with.
But their experiences with the monstrous are ... very different. He didn't become something different. He always was. And not knowing what human baseline was supposed to be like, telling what's typical from what isn't, is very difficult. "I don't have anything to compare myself to. Apparently I never will." He's unique, for better or worse. "I don't know if it's normal for other fighters, or completely strange. Does any other SOLDIER grow ... restless, if they don't find things to keep themselves occupied with? Is violence an easier solution the longer they remain idle? It's always there. The knowledge I could kill you where you stand, and it probably wouldn't even be hard. Not because you're a problem or a rival or likely to attack, but because .. you're there."
He's a fourteen year old boy. He speaks as if it's a foregone conclusion, not a life or death struggle he could lose.
There are no other active-types he's spoken to besides Zack and Zack ... has been through too much for Sephiroth to consider prying, painful questions. "Do other SOLDIERs feel that? Do they feel satisfaction at eradicating nests of monsters the way I do? It's not ... pleasure. It's not fun. I know what that is, and it's not that." Fun is a very rare thing, but he knows the difference! "Killing people isn't much different than killing a monster, once you get past the begging."
Something in the tone of that suggests getting past the begging is actually a struggle. A large one. He knows people aren't monsters, but if Shinra said kill, he killed. It doesn't show in his bearing, or his expression, he's being careful this time. "Maybe the monster that I am recognizes rivals and won't tolerate them, I don't know. But the thought's there. It's easy to disregard. I don't enjoy killing." Anything, ever.
But he does anyway, and not infrequently. It relieves the impulse a little, assuages the thoughts he'd always assumed was thanks to skilled instruction and not ... alien instinct.
no subject
Date: 2024-06-07 11:02 pm (UTC)But that's a trick he can no longer do nor is there any reason to expect the other manifestations could be harnessed in a similar fashion, with or without corresponding materia. Chaos had been... unique.
"Neither of us do." Unique, Vincent had called himself and the teen at an earlier time and place. He certainly isn't taking that back now. "I don't know. My impression of Zack..." This actually draws a brief snort of dry humor. "He seems like he was like that before he joined SOLDIER."
Cloud must cross his mind because there is a moment's troubled expression. But speaking about the blond to Sephiroth seems wrong and certainly wouldn't come easy without the goad of ice cream. But during the long tale, it's likely the teen was told enough that it was painfully clear that Cloud's mental state was in no way an appropriate one to determining if there was some instinctive, restless urge to kill.
"They're the only two members of SOLDIER I've had more than brief dealings with. Besides you." And by that standard, Zack barely countered. But given the physical and mental needs to make it into the elite force, it honestly wouldn't suprise Vincent that they're an extremely active lot. You kept them busy or you wound up in trouble.
The two who Sephiroth should ask are also the two he can't or won't. But for other fighters? Other professions?
"As a Turk, we're trained to not let personal feelings get in the way of a job." Before the monsters, before the experiments, there was Vincent's former employment. "If you can't, you're out." And if you've been in too long, you need to disappear very quickly or you will be disappeared. Vincent let personal feelings get in the way of his job to a degree. He might have been reprimanded if Hojo hadn't shot him. He might have been let go. He certainly would have been kept under close watch.
"We're also taught to assess our targets. Weigh them against our own ability and find ways to make up for where we lack for a successful mission." It's barely similar. But there is a need for this context. One that is given when Vincent's regard is steadily focused on Sephiroth again.
"Because of the way Shinra trained you, it's going to be hard to separate what you were trained to think and what might come from the Jenova in you. Especially if they are enhanced because the teaching and instinct align." He has little doubt that for their perfect weapon, they'd even encouraged that. But that doesn't mean the concern about Sephiroth's base instincts are any less valid.
...Still, for Sephiroth, it's not pleasure or fun. Neither of these things Vincent can completely separate from his own experiences. Ask him about it sometime; those 'others' he really avoided bringing up. Anyway, this sobers him considerably.
"Sephiroth," his pitch has lowered and his tone... well it's deeper. Perhaps a little relieved. And it's not just the stated response he's referring to. "You're right. It's not all much different. Killing a human or killing a monster." Even monsters often have feelings... senses. A desire to live. "People... humans reach that point on their own sometimes. In war, as hired thugs. Or assassins. Most manage to convince themselves because it's orders. Or they're fighting to protect something."
"That it's not fun... or gives you pleasure. That you struggle." Yes, the tone gave the teen away. "And... you don't enjoy killing. Those aren't the Jenova I know." Not the Sephiroth he knows either.
It would be easy to leave it there. But it's not exactly enough. Vincent closes his eyes again. Yes, despite Sephiroth having so calmly admitted with calm confidence that it would be easy to simply kill Vincent.
"For myself. If I avoid giving into the ....impulses. The restlessness, it will continue to build. Until the slightest provocation wrests it out of my hands and I can only hope the blood in my mouth or on my hands after isn't... innocent."
The worst part is that he may well remember it, in fragments, in full or in nightmares. He has his hands lifted before him, studied. The saucer and its muffin have long been set aside in some convenient crook of architecture of built in cabinetry or shelf.
"...For the part of you that might have urges like that, I wanted to say it's better to handle them on your terms than risk the alternative."
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Date: 2024-06-08 03:25 pm (UTC)Presumably a Turk had no access to sensitive information until well after they were fit for duty, and thus ejecting a rookie wouldn't be too catastrophic, though the demotion might sting. Did SOLDIERs get that option? Even the P0s were young, compared to the lifespan a human was capable of.
He winces at having it spelled out so plainly that he shouldn't, but does, hesitate when his opponents are human. That's something he'd be firmly rebuked for, more scenarios and combat trials to work on exorcising his reluctance. It had gotten him hurt already on Rhadore, and such clumsiness would not be acceptable as a SOLDIER. But should he be returned to Shinra, Vincent didn't seem likely as yet to tell his 'caregivers' of his endless flaws in form and resolve.
"I've never lost control like that." Was that a comfort, or just a 'yet'? Did he want to find out? Sephiroth had one advantage over Vincent; he didn't become a monster, there was no overriding change of instincts and impulses. He's been the same since he was born, one being and not several beasts jammed together. "It might not get to the point of indiscriminate aggression. If it never would, then ... indulging the parasite might just make it stronger."
Speaking of. 'Parasite'. He raises one hand, rubbing the bridge of his nose slowly, as if the beginnings of a headache were encroaching. "Though I'm not sure calling Jenova .. or myself a parasite is ... accurate, if she and my future self are active killers. Parasites generally don't annihilate their food source. My ... reticence might be a better sign of it than that."
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Date: 2024-06-08 07:33 pm (UTC)Zack was an idealist through and through. The P0s... they were a bit maverick likely because they knew they were expendable assets. Maybe if they survived and stayed with Shinra, they may have found themselves shuffled off to Deepground or something else. Surviving against all odds was never a good trait when Hojo was around to notice it.
If anything, Vincent seems to be approving that Sephiroth finds it difficult to kill, much less kill human targets. It was grouped with traits that stood against Jenova's insidious influence. Implied therefore to be human qualities. But it isn't a matter pressed further now. The wince tells the gunman that it's very much seen in the negative because of course it is. And pursuing it might backfire. Suggest that Vincent is taking note of it rather than simply trying to encourage.
There instead comes another nod. Is Vincent jealous? Not at all. It's just the nature of the differences and you can even say he is very fortunate to not have had Jenova added to the experiments on him. "That would be ideal," Vincent agrees. There's not a hint that he lacks sincerity or that he isn't taking it seriously; including the theory that indulging might strengthen the parasite. This leads him to think over the possibility. But these thoughts will be interrupted as Sephiroth tries to rationalize what he, what Jenova is. And...
Vincent regards the teen steadily. "I don't know what Jenova's goal really was. We only have the accounts that survived through Gast's recordings of Ifalna and old records." The latter misinterpreted Jenova as a Cetra. The former were how the Cetra viewed the calamity that descended on them and how it warped the planet." Vincent had no doubt gone over these facts in his retelling and the ones that follow.
"I was told the Sephiroth we fought had once believed he was the chosen inheritor of the planet with his 'Mother'. He killed humans because he saw them as the traitors that cowered and hid while the Cetra died to fight the ancient menace. But at that point, he hadn't been aware that the Calamity of the legends... and Jenova... were one and the same. If Jenova 'spoke' to him or grew stronger, it never seemed to change. Sephiroth... never seemed to become Jenova. Even before, with another decade of killing beyond your experience. Everything points to what happened in Nibelheim. Maybe the proximity to Jenova's main body. And... a mental factor."
Leaving an already socially withdrawn, told he was important, chosen, special and 'feeling different' than anyone else Sephiroth to brood unchecked for five days on his own in a basement filled with incorrect theories on the nature of his origins... Vincent is determined to not let that repeat. And by then, so much more of what Sephiroth calls reticence had been bled out of him by Shinra's scientists and the isolation.
Never when Vincent speaks of 'that Sephiroth' has there ever been hatred. Sadness, weary. Even resignation. But never anger. And that holds true now, though it's clear he still distinguishes a difference between the one he remembers and the one before him today.
"It might be that Jenova shaped worlds to suit her...its needs. The Cetra and the world rejected the influence. Guess it seems like a parasite. ...I suppose it was more like a virus." Vincent lets out a sigh.
"I guess it's better to not to try and label it. Either as parasite or virus. Are you alright?" He has noticed the physical gesture, takes a step forward while studying Sephiroth. "...When was the last time you ate?"
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Date: 2024-06-08 08:59 pm (UTC)Although there's a low noise of disagreement, he doesn't speak on it further right now. That might be something he has to figure out for himself, like he'd been trying to do til now. Maybe he'd be best off visiting one of the other colleges, see what they could tell him about his nature, or what alien 'abilities' he should be watching for. "A monster by any other name is still a beast," is the only thing actually said about it, and seems to be agreement.
It's best he doesn't cause other people who were involved more problems than he already has. At the step forward, his attention snaps right back up into focus, a frown crossing his face. "I'll eat when I'm hungry. If I try to overdo it I'll get sick instead." There is an important difference between going without and overeating, but it's one he's ignoring. "Of all the things to be asking about, that's a minor concern at best."
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Date: 2024-06-08 09:33 pm (UTC)"Hm. Just meant we should look into it more before comparing it to something."
But this seems to be less important right now for Vincent does not agree that it's a minor concern. "Might be less important than Jenova. But it's not something you should ignore. Besides, you're avoiding the question. When's the last time you ate?"
And then, as if he's in his own home, Vincent starts to calmly walk past Sephiroth to what is marked off as 'kitchen' in the house with the intention of searching for signs of... well, food; eaten or otherwise. Is there really going to be any signs of something beyond what he literally just brought in?
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Date: 2024-06-08 09:40 pm (UTC)But he is unfortunately very efficient with his meals, when he is making them. Only the lore-gathering spoon is to be found out and about, any dishes or glasses or other silverware he might use neatly cleaned and put away. Keeping food on hand just to sit there and be looked at wasn't sensible, creating it as he needed to was.
Like everything else, it's empty. Everything's empty, aside from a small array of keychains with ... variations of Stamp on them, apparently, and a single glass box with a special locket in it tucked safely away from where it could be accidentally run into, right next to the sheathed katana he'd attacked Vincent with. He hadn't gotten rid of that locket, in spite of the revelations about his horrifying origins.
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Date: 2024-06-08 10:47 pm (UTC)"No." Vincent didn't have to take long to inspect things, did he? And of course there might have been a slight hesitation when he saw the locket but the gunman didn't linger.
"And you don't answer to Shinra's scientists right now. Or Hojo." But every sign in the home suggests the teen is living like he does. After turning back to Sephiroth, Vincent crosses his arms.
"It's a practical concern. You should plan and schedule regular, nutritious meals each day. You are an active young man even without hunting monsters." School, travel... being teenager. "You are currently the only one responsible for maintaining the intake and nutrients your body needs to sustain your mental and physical well-being."
Vincent might be stopping by to remind him about it, but he isn't an orderly. It may be more than just a practical concern for him, but phrasing it that way might make it more bearable to hear.
"Sephiroth, being able to endure something beyond human limits... even your limits, does not mean you'll be fine ignoring the benefits regular meals, sleep and rest bring. Right now, you're trying to process all you've learned and trying to make sense of it. The longer you ignore your body's needs, the harder it's going to get to do so.
Only here does the gunman's gaze slip downward. "I'm no stranger to what it's like to lose a taste for food. I understand why it's a struggle to bother."
...Or to what the lack of or too much sleep does.
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From:In another week and a half ninety percent of this becomes moot.
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