It's not that easy for him to set it aside. What he was, what he would do, what hung over his head like a sword dangling from a thread. The Fox offered some hope, that things could change, that people didn't have to die, that maybe things even on other worlds he had no chance of ever seeing could be helped.. but if he couldn't stop himself, how could he stop disaster from falling elsewhere? Knowing what he was, exactly what he was ... was part of that.
Although there's a low noise of disagreement, he doesn't speak on it further right now. That might be something he has to figure out for himself, like he'd been trying to do til now. Maybe he'd be best off visiting one of the other colleges, see what they could tell him about his nature, or what alien 'abilities' he should be watching for. "A monster by any other name is still a beast," is the only thing actually said about it, and seems to be agreement.
It's best he doesn't cause other people who were involved more problems than he already has. At the step forward, his attention snaps right back up into focus, a frown crossing his face. "I'll eat when I'm hungry. If I try to overdo it I'll get sick instead." There is an important difference between going without and overeating, but it's one he's ignoring. "Of all the things to be asking about, that's a minor concern at best."
Vincent hadn't meant to suggest they be set aside. But until they can find out more, maybe not apply those labels, since they would inevitably carry over to how Sephiroth perceives himself. And it's already negative enough without the meaning behind those specific labels. But he got distracted by the signs of stress.
"Hm. Just meant we should look into it more before comparing it to something."
But this seems to be less important right now for Vincent does not agree that it's a minor concern. "Might be less important than Jenova. But it's not something you should ignore. Besides, you're avoiding the question. When's the last time you ate?"
And then, as if he's in his own home, Vincent starts to calmly walk past Sephiroth to what is marked off as 'kitchen' in the house with the intention of searching for signs of... well, food; eaten or otherwise. Is there really going to be any signs of something beyond what he literally just brought in?
And there's no answer forthcoming either, stress turns so easily to irritation and irritation to anger, but he doesn't act on it. Who was Vincent to come turning up and nagging him about meals like some kind of orderly worried his job hinged on the answer? "You forget yourself. I don't answer to you."
But he is unfortunately very efficient with his meals, when he is making them. Only the lore-gathering spoon is to be found out and about, any dishes or glasses or other silverware he might use neatly cleaned and put away. Keeping food on hand just to sit there and be looked at wasn't sensible, creating it as he needed to was.
Like everything else, it's empty. Everything's empty, aside from a small array of keychains with ... variations of Stamp on them, apparently, and a single glass box with a special locket in it tucked safely away from where it could be accidentally run into, right next to the sheathed katana he'd attacked Vincent with. He hadn't gotten rid of that locket, in spite of the revelations about his horrifying origins.
Yes, the absent of food doesn't mean the food hasn't been consumed. There are spoons, there is takeout. Sephiroth probably wouldn't have thought to take steps that would be common sense to anyone who had grown up with a normal routine.
"No." Vincent didn't have to take long to inspect things, did he? And of course there might have been a slight hesitation when he saw the locket but the gunman didn't linger.
"And you don't answer to Shinra's scientists right now. Or Hojo." But every sign in the home suggests the teen is living like he does. After turning back to Sephiroth, Vincent crosses his arms.
"It's a practical concern. You should plan and schedule regular, nutritious meals each day. You are an active young man even without hunting monsters." School, travel... being teenager. "You are currently the only one responsible for maintaining the intake and nutrients your body needs to sustain your mental and physical well-being."
Vincent might be stopping by to remind him about it, but he isn't an orderly. It may be more than just a practical concern for him, but phrasing it that way might make it more bearable to hear.
"Sephiroth, being able to endure something beyond human limits... even your limits, does not mean you'll be fine ignoring the benefits regular meals, sleep and rest bring. Right now, you're trying to process all you've learned and trying to make sense of it. The longer you ignore your body's needs, the harder it's going to get to do so.
Only here does the gunman's gaze slip downward. "I'm no stranger to what it's like to lose a taste for food. I understand why it's a struggle to bother."
How much of the rapid swing in mood is being a teenager, being a Legend or being a monster, he doesn't know, but Sephiroth takes a moment to draw a slow, steadying breath and carefully, forcefully bottle up anything untoward and shove it down where it can't bother him.
"I've been taking care of myself since I arrived here, Mr. Valentine." There's an edge of reproach to his expression and voice, for all that he's throttled the rest away. "I have been the only one seeing to my wellbeing." And he's not dead yet so that seems to be going alright, more or less.
Except he wasn't hungry. The idea of food was not a welcome one. "While your concerns do you credit they're not necessary. They're really not." Going to sleep was not a pleasant experience of late. "I'm fine on my own and I will continue to be fine on my own."
Actually that way lies disaster, but that's neither here nor there. "Please leave it be. At the very worst I'm temporarily inconvenienced far down the line." Death doesn't stick.
Except that was all before he got told he's the reason the world almost ends twice over. And suddenly, Sephiroth isn't taking care of himself.
"Leaving Sephiroth to handle everything on his own is the gravest mistake Zack made." Vincent confronts the teen's mild reproach and polite address by looking up to try and meet his gaze. He steps closer. "I'm sure he realizes that."
But it isn't just something said to cast blame on Zack. Vincent is reaching out again, his right hand meant to touch the teen's upper arm.
"I made the mistake of sleeping twenty years in a misguided attempt at penance and let it be once." Vincent's eyes are furrowed; earnest or concerned or both. "...Please don't ask me to leave it be. I won't. Not this time."
"He said as much, and yet he's been kind enough to let me choose what I want, and what I want is to be left alone." Zack had his own life to live, friends to care for. Sephiroth didn't resent it. It allowed him to hide easier just how utterly stark reality had kicked the foundations out from under him. He could for short bursts pretend everything was fine, when he got a brief visit or a message.
Long enough to make a gift. Long enough to exchange the appropriate platitudes. Enough to try to reassure Zack and not add to what's already been too much making things the First's problem when they shouldn't be.
He draws himself up when Vincent steps closer; it'll be years yet before he can outstrip the Turk's height, but there's still a low level menace to it even as a hand is reached out. He doesn't shrug it off. "Is that what this is? Penance?"
As if helping the son could in any way save the mother. "There are no little mountain hamlets for me to burn here. No one is waiting with open arms to help me conquer the world. And if I tried, I know I wouldn't get far. There is no danger. Even.. if I knew you my whole life, there are things I need to figure out on my own, without being hassled over a sandwich doing it. ...And I haven't known you my whole life." It's strange, it's strange and wildly uncomfortable to have anyone care. Even if he was sure it was less because of him and more because of Lucrecia.
It's something of a relief to hear Zack has admitted it. For good reasons, the SOLDIER had been focused on yelling about everyone else and there was no reason to admit much to Vincent at the time. Plenty of reasons not to. Far more to worry about.
Though Vincent found it frustrating the story of the future was related while Sephiroth was still hospitalized, it couldn't be helped with the way things worked. Vincent does nothing more than connect with the touch.
"No. Even before." Before Folkmore, before he talked to Sephiroth here. "I'd come to realize that a lot of the reasons I kept living in those nightmares weren't my sins to bear. And the ones that were..." Vincent lets his hand slip to his side again. "Wouldn't be any more confronted by staying there. Or going back."
He's never sought forgiveness for his sins. Nor has any action he ever did or chose to do been done with the intention of trying to atone for them. He's just been willing to not hide from them.
"I'm not here because I expect forgiveness. Or because I expect to serve punishment." But if it's not Penance, what would it be? Obligation? That's still possible. Vincent stays near even if he's no longer reaching out, braving the young man's menacing aura.
...Vincent could easily argue that hassling Sephiroth over a sandwich would be needed so the teen can figure out some of the things that, rightfully, he needs to decide for himself. This isn't the time for something that could be construed as treating the matter less than seriously.
"And?" There's no mountain hamlet. No cloying alien trying to lure Sephiroth with siren song. No danger. And those things aren't why Vincent is here anyway. "If there are things I can't decide for you. If there isn't danger. That doesn't mean there's nothing I can do for you."
Such as simply... be there. Maybe put a blanket on the teen and encourage him to stay out the night. Maybe remind him to eat. Maybe just caring.
The choice of hospital, when he didn't have the strength to either leave or start a fight, wasn't a bad one. Maybe it was an outright good one, leaving him no capacity to do anything other than try to recover and think. Ironically he hasn't moved much since, either, too focused on other things to bother with much travel when he didn't have to.
"Why?" There's sensible actions, like getting rid of a threat before it can reach catastrophic levels, and then there's ... whatever this is. Things that happen in storybooks, the enemy coming to try to offer comfort and aid. "You're wasting your time. You can't change a future that's already the past." Any thought otherwise was cruel at best. "Are you going to help me, instead of fight against me this time? Help bring the world to its knees alongside the alien mother?" Of course not.
He knew how portal materia worked. How none of this would matter if it worked the same and he went back from where he came. Of all the stories of people leaving, not one returned with tales of being able to alter anything? He takes a long breath to try to steady himself, an ongoing and failing effort. "At Kuma Lisa we had a lesson about a tale from one of the many 'Earths'. Where the gods grew angry at men, so they made a woman, filled her with curiosity and sent her to where mankind waited and welcomed her, with a box she is told to never open. Inside it was all the evils of the world. Unable to fight the curiosity they gave her, she unleashed misery and suffering onto humanity. At the very bottom of the box lay the final evil, hope." His smile is bitter. "They don't tell you it's an evil though, you have to figure that out for yourself. The teacher who told the story says it was the gods' only mercy, that we could have hope and bear the terrible things we unleashed, a spark we can use to see us through the darkest of times."
Oh, now this sounds more like the man he'd grow to become than the teenager he was now. "But was it really, or was it a final curse? Hope offers the illusion of comfort, while keeping us struggling on in spite of shattered dreams and despair. When it would be kinder, more merciful to stop, hope drives us on. And so the punishment their gods leveraged continues." Was that what Thirteen was doing? Keeping them trying even though there's no real chance of changing anything? "Don't give into hope, Mr. Valentine. It's the cruelest of the things put in that box."
It wasn't bad. All told there were worse ways. But who would be happy with any of them? Sometimes you can only hope the way it happens is something that wasn't the worst.
"I'd fight to keep you from choosing that path," Vincent answers. It's not the same as fighting against Sephiroth which if we're honest, the gunman didn't take much part in when it came to direct confrontations. He'd even turned back at the North Crater. And yes all his actions were in conflict with Sephiroth's goal. But for that one, it'd been too late. ...Right?
"Who makes that so? Because of me? It's not your past." Vincent shakes his head. He does know about Portal materia. It's an old, old type, discounted as useless by Shinra so there probably weren't a lot of people that knew about it. And it's likely he's considered this is the same sort of thing and, whatever the Fox did or wanted, maybe all of their memories would be wiped clean of Folkmore anyway.
"Hope, huh?" This time, Vincent does sound a little amused. Wistful, more poignant and wry than anything else. "I think... hope is something that can be evil and good. Much like fire or rain."
Hope without restraint, blind to reality can be cruel and evil. Maybe that's why the gods put it in the box thinking it would be a subtle, terrible, clever punishment. But with compassion and conviction, solid actions that can bring about change, there is a good side to hope.
Fire can bring warmth and light and regrowth. It can burn down everything. Rain brings growth and staves off thirst. But it can flood and drown.
"Well, I've seen something like that a few times. I guess it's better to trust what you see with your own eyes." Rather than giving into hope, Vincent has simply seen it in both terrible and wonderful forms.
"We'll just have to wait and see what this one turns out to be." We. Not just him, not only you, Sephiroth. Why, though. That was asked earlier and Vincent hadn't answered then. He does now. Vincent shifts into motion again, his hand raising up. If Sephiroth was expecting him to reach out for a shoulder or arm, no. This time he means to briefly settle his hand on the top of the silver hair as he continues to walk past. If contact is made, there won't be any ruffling and it will be brief.
"Because I want to."
One way or another, he continues to move, heading for the front door.
"I won't be able to linger. But I'll drop some food off tomorrow before school." ...Looks like he's going to do whatever he wants regardless of Sephiroth's insistence that he doesn't.
What he's seen suggests it's all purposeless, observation just cements his certainty. Three people, at least, have the same story. Not everyone is from the same timeline or the same universe, but they all.. had the same tale.
It's not quite a headpat, and though he twitches he doesn't jerk away. Lucia was fond of those, mussing up his hair until it stuck out in a dozen different directions. The gesture is at once strange and painfully familiar, turning his mind back to those hopelessly kind people on the archipelago. They had to be alright.
It was going to take more to chase the Turk off, obviously. "I don't need drop-offs, I can make whatever I like when I want it." Lore! It's useful! And .. that's not going to stop Vincent at all, is it?
When Vincent gets moving on something, it's actually fairly hard to shake him off. At least he isn't going to mess up the teen's hair like Lucia does. In fact, it was almost as awkward as some of the other efforts he's made no matter how natural it had seemed in motion.
Like he didn't know quite what to do. Just lay his hand there a moment? Pat? Ruffle? Anyway it's gone and he's moving onward until he's at the door. Sephiroth protests any need to bring food. Vincent just tilts his head enough to look back in the young man's direction. There's a slight smile.
"Guess you'll just have a choice to make."
Eat what Vincent brought or make his own food. Not eat either.... but then that's a waste of someone else's (not so)hard-earned lore isn't it? And of food.
But if it ends up getting Sephiroth to eat just a tiny bit more, for Vincent it'll be worth it. If not, he'll have to figure out a different angle. Opening the door, the former Turk starts to walk out.
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Date: 2024-06-08 08:59 pm (UTC)Although there's a low noise of disagreement, he doesn't speak on it further right now. That might be something he has to figure out for himself, like he'd been trying to do til now. Maybe he'd be best off visiting one of the other colleges, see what they could tell him about his nature, or what alien 'abilities' he should be watching for. "A monster by any other name is still a beast," is the only thing actually said about it, and seems to be agreement.
It's best he doesn't cause other people who were involved more problems than he already has. At the step forward, his attention snaps right back up into focus, a frown crossing his face. "I'll eat when I'm hungry. If I try to overdo it I'll get sick instead." There is an important difference between going without and overeating, but it's one he's ignoring. "Of all the things to be asking about, that's a minor concern at best."
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Date: 2024-06-08 09:33 pm (UTC)"Hm. Just meant we should look into it more before comparing it to something."
But this seems to be less important right now for Vincent does not agree that it's a minor concern. "Might be less important than Jenova. But it's not something you should ignore. Besides, you're avoiding the question. When's the last time you ate?"
And then, as if he's in his own home, Vincent starts to calmly walk past Sephiroth to what is marked off as 'kitchen' in the house with the intention of searching for signs of... well, food; eaten or otherwise. Is there really going to be any signs of something beyond what he literally just brought in?
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Date: 2024-06-08 09:40 pm (UTC)But he is unfortunately very efficient with his meals, when he is making them. Only the lore-gathering spoon is to be found out and about, any dishes or glasses or other silverware he might use neatly cleaned and put away. Keeping food on hand just to sit there and be looked at wasn't sensible, creating it as he needed to was.
Like everything else, it's empty. Everything's empty, aside from a small array of keychains with ... variations of Stamp on them, apparently, and a single glass box with a special locket in it tucked safely away from where it could be accidentally run into, right next to the sheathed katana he'd attacked Vincent with. He hadn't gotten rid of that locket, in spite of the revelations about his horrifying origins.
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Date: 2024-06-08 10:47 pm (UTC)"No." Vincent didn't have to take long to inspect things, did he? And of course there might have been a slight hesitation when he saw the locket but the gunman didn't linger.
"And you don't answer to Shinra's scientists right now. Or Hojo." But every sign in the home suggests the teen is living like he does. After turning back to Sephiroth, Vincent crosses his arms.
"It's a practical concern. You should plan and schedule regular, nutritious meals each day. You are an active young man even without hunting monsters." School, travel... being teenager. "You are currently the only one responsible for maintaining the intake and nutrients your body needs to sustain your mental and physical well-being."
Vincent might be stopping by to remind him about it, but he isn't an orderly. It may be more than just a practical concern for him, but phrasing it that way might make it more bearable to hear.
"Sephiroth, being able to endure something beyond human limits... even your limits, does not mean you'll be fine ignoring the benefits regular meals, sleep and rest bring. Right now, you're trying to process all you've learned and trying to make sense of it. The longer you ignore your body's needs, the harder it's going to get to do so.
Only here does the gunman's gaze slip downward. "I'm no stranger to what it's like to lose a taste for food. I understand why it's a struggle to bother."
...Or to what the lack of or too much sleep does.
no subject
Date: 2024-06-08 11:46 pm (UTC)"I've been taking care of myself since I arrived here, Mr. Valentine." There's an edge of reproach to his expression and voice, for all that he's throttled the rest away. "I have been the only one seeing to my wellbeing." And he's not dead yet so that seems to be going alright, more or less.
Except he wasn't hungry. The idea of food was not a welcome one. "While your concerns do you credit they're not necessary. They're really not." Going to sleep was not a pleasant experience of late. "I'm fine on my own and I will continue to be fine on my own."
Actually that way lies disaster, but that's neither here nor there. "Please leave it be. At the very worst I'm temporarily inconvenienced far down the line." Death doesn't stick.
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Date: 2024-06-09 12:16 am (UTC)"Leaving Sephiroth to handle everything on his own is the gravest mistake Zack made." Vincent confronts the teen's mild reproach and polite address by looking up to try and meet his gaze. He steps closer. "I'm sure he realizes that."
But it isn't just something said to cast blame on Zack. Vincent is reaching out again, his right hand meant to touch the teen's upper arm.
"I made the mistake of sleeping twenty years in a misguided attempt at penance and let it be once." Vincent's eyes are furrowed; earnest or concerned or both. "...Please don't ask me to leave it be. I won't. Not this time."
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Date: 2024-06-09 12:51 am (UTC)Long enough to make a gift. Long enough to exchange the appropriate platitudes. Enough to try to reassure Zack and not add to what's already been too much making things the First's problem when they shouldn't be.
He draws himself up when Vincent steps closer; it'll be years yet before he can outstrip the Turk's height, but there's still a low level menace to it even as a hand is reached out. He doesn't shrug it off. "Is that what this is? Penance?"
As if helping the son could in any way save the mother. "There are no little mountain hamlets for me to burn here. No one is waiting with open arms to help me conquer the world. And if I tried, I know I wouldn't get far. There is no danger. Even.. if I knew you my whole life, there are things I need to figure out on my own, without being hassled over a sandwich doing it. ...And I haven't known you my whole life." It's strange, it's strange and wildly uncomfortable to have anyone care. Even if he was sure it was less because of him and more because of Lucrecia.
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Date: 2024-06-09 02:12 am (UTC)Though Vincent found it frustrating the story of the future was related while Sephiroth was still hospitalized, it couldn't be helped with the way things worked. Vincent does nothing more than connect with the touch.
"No. Even before." Before Folkmore, before he talked to Sephiroth here. "I'd come to realize that a lot of the reasons I kept living in those nightmares weren't my sins to bear. And the ones that were..." Vincent lets his hand slip to his side again. "Wouldn't be any more confronted by staying there. Or going back."
He's never sought forgiveness for his sins. Nor has any action he ever did or chose to do been done with the intention of trying to atone for them. He's just been willing to not hide from them.
"I'm not here because I expect forgiveness. Or because I expect to serve punishment." But if it's not Penance, what would it be? Obligation? That's still possible. Vincent stays near even if he's no longer reaching out, braving the young man's menacing aura.
...Vincent could easily argue that hassling Sephiroth over a sandwich would be needed so the teen can figure out some of the things that, rightfully, he needs to decide for himself. This isn't the time for something that could be construed as treating the matter less than seriously.
"And?" There's no mountain hamlet. No cloying alien trying to lure Sephiroth with siren song. No danger. And those things aren't why Vincent is here anyway. "If there are things I can't decide for you. If there isn't danger. That doesn't mean there's nothing I can do for you."
Such as simply... be there. Maybe put a blanket on the teen and encourage him to stay out the night. Maybe remind him to eat. Maybe just caring.
In another week and a half ninety percent of this becomes moot.
Date: 2024-06-09 03:53 pm (UTC)"Why?" There's sensible actions, like getting rid of a threat before it can reach catastrophic levels, and then there's ... whatever this is. Things that happen in storybooks, the enemy coming to try to offer comfort and aid. "You're wasting your time. You can't change a future that's already the past." Any thought otherwise was cruel at best. "Are you going to help me, instead of fight against me this time? Help bring the world to its knees alongside the alien mother?" Of course not.
He knew how portal materia worked. How none of this would matter if it worked the same and he went back from where he came. Of all the stories of people leaving, not one returned with tales of being able to alter anything? He takes a long breath to try to steady himself, an ongoing and failing effort. "At Kuma Lisa we had a lesson about a tale from one of the many 'Earths'. Where the gods grew angry at men, so they made a woman, filled her with curiosity and sent her to where mankind waited and welcomed her, with a box she is told to never open. Inside it was all the evils of the world. Unable to fight the curiosity they gave her, she unleashed misery and suffering onto humanity. At the very bottom of the box lay the final evil, hope." His smile is bitter. "They don't tell you it's an evil though, you have to figure that out for yourself. The teacher who told the story says it was the gods' only mercy, that we could have hope and bear the terrible things we unleashed, a spark we can use to see us through the darkest of times."
Oh, now this sounds more like the man he'd grow to become than the teenager he was now. "But was it really, or was it a final curse? Hope offers the illusion of comfort, while keeping us struggling on in spite of shattered dreams and despair. When it would be kinder, more merciful to stop, hope drives us on. And so the punishment their gods leveraged continues." Was that what Thirteen was doing? Keeping them trying even though there's no real chance of changing anything? "Don't give into hope, Mr. Valentine. It's the cruelest of the things put in that box."
no subject
Date: 2024-06-09 04:50 pm (UTC)"I'd fight to keep you from choosing that path," Vincent answers. It's not the same as fighting against Sephiroth which if we're honest, the gunman didn't take much part in when it came to direct confrontations. He'd even turned back at the North Crater. And yes all his actions were in conflict with Sephiroth's goal. But for that one, it'd been too late. ...Right?
"Who makes that so? Because of me? It's not your past." Vincent shakes his head. He does know about Portal materia. It's an old, old type, discounted as useless by Shinra so there probably weren't a lot of people that knew about it. And it's likely he's considered this is the same sort of thing and, whatever the Fox did or wanted, maybe all of their memories would be wiped clean of Folkmore anyway.
"Hope, huh?" This time, Vincent does sound a little amused. Wistful, more poignant and wry than anything else. "I think... hope is something that can be evil and good. Much like fire or rain."
Hope without restraint, blind to reality can be cruel and evil. Maybe that's why the gods put it in the box thinking it would be a subtle, terrible, clever punishment. But with compassion and conviction, solid actions that can bring about change, there is a good side to hope.
Fire can bring warmth and light and regrowth. It can burn down everything. Rain brings growth and staves off thirst. But it can flood and drown.
"Well, I've seen something like that a few times. I guess it's better to trust what you see with your own eyes." Rather than giving into hope, Vincent has simply seen it in both terrible and wonderful forms.
"We'll just have to wait and see what this one turns out to be." We. Not just him, not only you, Sephiroth. Why, though. That was asked earlier and Vincent hadn't answered then. He does now. Vincent shifts into motion again, his hand raising up. If Sephiroth was expecting him to reach out for a shoulder or arm, no. This time he means to briefly settle his hand on the top of the silver hair as he continues to walk past. If contact is made, there won't be any ruffling and it will be brief.
"Because I want to."
One way or another, he continues to move, heading for the front door.
"I won't be able to linger. But I'll drop some food off tomorrow before school." ...Looks like he's going to do whatever he wants regardless of Sephiroth's insistence that he doesn't.
no subject
Date: 2024-06-09 05:40 pm (UTC)It's not quite a headpat, and though he twitches he doesn't jerk away. Lucia was fond of those, mussing up his hair until it stuck out in a dozen different directions. The gesture is at once strange and painfully familiar, turning his mind back to those hopelessly kind people on the archipelago. They had to be alright.
It was going to take more to chase the Turk off, obviously. "I don't need drop-offs, I can make whatever I like when I want it." Lore! It's useful! And .. that's not going to stop Vincent at all, is it?
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Date: 2024-06-09 08:36 pm (UTC)Like he didn't know quite what to do. Just lay his hand there a moment? Pat? Ruffle? Anyway it's gone and he's moving onward until he's at the door. Sephiroth protests any need to bring food. Vincent just tilts his head enough to look back in the young man's direction. There's a slight smile.
"Guess you'll just have a choice to make."
Eat what Vincent brought or make his own food. Not eat either.... but then that's a waste of someone else's (not so)hard-earned lore isn't it? And of food.
But if it ends up getting Sephiroth to eat just a tiny bit more, for Vincent it'll be worth it. If not, he'll have to figure out a different angle. Opening the door, the former Turk starts to walk out.