[He still doesn't like it. He can guess what'll happen when Cloud catches wind of it, what it will be twisted into, who's fault it'll be, one more reason to attempt to kill him again.
And not unreasonably. Even to him this felt like it was a bad idea, giving too many avenues to once more inflict terrible things on Zack and by extension, Zack's boyfriend. Other friends too. The hurt and anger's still there, buried deep. He wasn't a legend anymore, after all. He was exactly what they said he was, in that stinking fog-shrouded swamp. It had been deserved, even when they only knew part of the things he'd been doing. Were you proud of me then, Zack?]
Straightforward enough. I wonder why it's the same.
[Nothing feels different yet, but it had taken both him and Vincent agreeing for anything to set in before. Slowly he uncoils a little from the knot of scale and wrapped limbs he'd been in since Zack arrived. It's not quite resignation, this isn't a punishment. He's not being forced, he could have put up more resistance than he had. He'd fought everything else, he could fight this too. Bonds require both parties to be willing, all he'd have to do is ... not want to.
But some traitorous part of him absolutely did want to, in spite of how sure he is he knows the result. Didn't care enough about the opinions of someone who hated him to refuse on those grounds alone. Was so tired of having to do everything on his own. More than enough to make agreeing to an Unfamiliar Bond willing and deliberate.
That same traitorous part is also certain this should be to a bright eyed Cloud of about his own age with a rare and sheepish smile like the sun breaking through a storm, a Legend for certain, someone he really could dedicate himself to--
A person who doesn't exist and never would. But Zack did. It was different; the illusion and what was real. What was real was a friend who stubbornly wasn't taking a hint to leave him be.
Dreams never got him anywhere, they needed to be put aside. This offered hand was reality and not delusion.]
You are my Legend; I dedicate myself to you.
[It's immediate.
It's nothing like the Familiar bond he knew, a direct link not to mind and heart but power and energy, the live wire of another being's life, and the pull is instantaneous towards the Myth half of the factor, a sudden draining draw that hadn't been there before.
It cuts out almost as immediately in time to the teen's sharp inhale of surprise. Months and months and months of work in Exile under Baba Yaga's tutelage does have benefits; he knows his own power well now, knows outside power when he feels it and knows how to block it like dropping a boulder into a stream. The sense of presence still hums there, almost but not quite tangible. Push and pull of power, Zack had said, sounding not exactly entirely sure of that fact.]
[It's a strange feeling, initially, very unlike both soulmate and familiar bonds he already has. He always felt the phrasing kind of odd with this sort of thing. Dedicating yourself to somebody feels like a heavier commitment than any bond has actually been. Friendship has never been any sort of dedication, duty, or job, and that's what the bonds started out as, for him. A different way to connect to somebody he already cared for.
This one feels... well. Only at first. More fitting of the word. He can feel the draw from his end, towards Sephiroth, a gentle sap of strength he hadn't expected. It's not alarming, just an unexpected ebb that (in retrospect) he should have expected based on the bond's description. It's cut off just as quickly, but he makes a mental note of it, in case he feels it again. If that's the "pull" then he needs to learn how to push back. It'll be their job to learn the balance.]
That's... real different, huh. [His tone has no good or bad indicators, merely thoughtful. He's not sure what he'd expected, so different from what is unclear. It just is. Different.] You okay?
[Dedication in other situations meant devoting everything to something else, as far as Sephiroth understood. His limited experience both with connections to others and the one Bond he'd had before now suggested that Folkmore just used the word very differently from what he thought it meant.
Why would dedicating himself to someone else mean he suddenly had access to their.. what, personal lifestream? Their power?]
...I'm fine. [He is not, but in the context of this specific thing.. as good as could be expected.] It feels ... uncomfortably like I could ... use you like an elixir if I wanted to.
Oh... kind of, yeah. [Now that Seph's mentioned it, that is what it reminded Zack of. The tug of energy he feels when he casts a spell. A drain like that could be troublesome if pushed too hard, but also-] Push and pull, right? Could go both ways. We just gotta learn how to control it, know when to use it.
[He doesn't really have any desire to test-drive it hard right now, everything is still too fresh. Not just the bond, but truly everything. Training will become very important later, though. There'll be no putting it off or ignoring it for too long, not again.]
'Never' will be often enough for when to use it for me, I think. I don't need more strength. I'm already difficult for all but the most skilled to handle.
[Now that he has a better idea of what a bond with a Legend actually is, he's not interested in testing it at all to empower himself. He had plenty of power as it was, more was completely unnecessary. And yet it seemed that innately, it was the Myth - or just him by virtue of being himself - that had the innate pull on the connection. He didn't want to liken it to the tug of Reunion, but it felt a little like that too.
But the other direction would need to be. And being certain it couldn't be done on accident. The amount of harm that could be done on accident is ... too much when he's involved.]
You might change your mind one day. It's okay if you don't, but okay if you do, too. Permission given.
[Zack shrugs his shoulders. The bond itself, he thinks, is the important part. He wants to feel the reminder. It isn't a bad thing.]
...I think... well, no, I know, what happened messed everybody up real good, and it's gonna take a while to come back from it. It's good to take some space, but don't hide away from everybody. That won't make you happy. You're allowed to be happy, too. No matter how it feels right now.
[What did make him happy? Would he know the difference between it and generalized contentment?]
There's not a lot of 'everybody' left, anymore.
[Not his doing, he could think about that as he pleased at least. There were spirits, certainly, but fewer and fewer imports like himself and Zack.]
I'll be alright. [He has a lifelong problem with contending with his issues in solitude, but that's HIS problem.] I'm not...
[There's things he should say. A lot of them. But after a moment of trying to figure out how to even say what he wants to, he decides to leave it be.
Had it been worth it? The cost was high. He couldn't fool himself into thinking he had pure noble goals at the end, he might have done it even if he wasn't sure they could break free. He'd wanted it to hurt. 'Messed everybody up' was such a mild way to put it.]
Let me worry about my happiness. You should focus on yours.
[It's not meant as a dismissal, he means what he says even if the meaning isn't as clear as it could be. Zack deserved to be happy and things have been non-stop terrible.]
[Zack's lips purse at the first comment. He's... not wrong, there. Numbers have dwindled, and it makes him worry for this realm. Will any of them still be around in half a year? Will he or Cloud be sent back to their world and not return, like Aerith?
It doesn't matter that much, though, ultimately. This is already borrowed time. If his time here comes to an end, at least he had a few extra years with the people he loves. It's been good.
The people who get to live after they leave here, though- those are the ones he'd like to focus on. He's actually pretty happy. Cloud and Sephiroth aren't dead in their respective universes yet. He wants to do what he can to give them hope for the future, even if it might be without him.]
You think I can't do both at once? C'mon, it's like you don't even know me.
[He's Zack Fair! He can and will try to do everything, at all costs.]
The steady hiss of waves on the beach continues. The location wasn't only for its isolation, but how if he allowed it to, the sounds could relax him a little. It reminded him of the better parts of Robio. Before the flood of lifestream that destroyed it. Just glimmering soft beaches and the sound of waves.]
... I think. [Hesitation flickers back up by degrees.] I think, if he's willing. You and Cloud should .. practice resistance. Willpower. There was another me here, months ago. Not for long. A few days. Another could appear, or one of these Trials may make me become that man. I want you to be safe.
[He's like 95% sure Cloud was already working on that, with the therapy guy and Aerith, before she vanished. Whether that's continued without her, or on hold... yeah, he doesn't know. But maybe it'd be smart for Zack to look into, as well. He'd never had to fight against that before. Really freaked him out.
He's not about to disclose that (guess or not) though, so his shrug is non-committal.]
The Jenova stuff never worked on me before. It was in the lab notes, I remember seeing it- no effect, no effect. Wonder what changed.
Something in that other place. Ordinarily I can't tell ... where you are, among other things. I can't now either, but then ..
[Then, it had been sharper than picking up on where Cloud is, the hum of Reunion its own detectable presence.]
It was different. And if it occurs once there's no saying it won't be brought back in some other Trial later. Right now I don't think I could reach you if I tried, the same way it's always been.
[Zack leans back a bit, considering that. It's good. It's good, but...]
I don't think I'd mind a connection. [Kind of why he'd thought of the bond to begin with.] It's just the control that makes it bad. Nobody should be able to control anybody else. We're all our own people. It's not fair that you got that power. ...Not fair for you, either.
[It's one more burden he has to carry, alongside the 'monster' belief.]
It's just willpower. I'd not be the one doing the controlling if the right person came along. But ... no, it's not something anyone should be able to do.
[Whether or not free will is an illusion, depending on someone's ideas of fate and destiny, taking it away from someone else..
He didn't understand yet why his future self was so keen on doing it. But monsters do monstrous things.]
At least I won't be doing it on accident to anyone anymore. Baba Yaga's instruction was good enough for that.
Feels kinda weird to call it just willpower when there's a bunch of alien goo giving people a leg up, but that kind of applies to you, too. Jenova was in his ear and we didn't even know it.
[This is the first time he's had to try and resist it, though; usually it had no effect on him, even with the added chemical mixture he'd gotten in the Nibelheim lab. So the experience is new, making him extra twitchy. He's glad to be back to normal.]
I'm glad if it helped you. You're really gonna stop making more of those, uh. [Monsters?] Animal, fusion... Exile things?
... Mm. So with the caveat of also needing to be part of that ..entire. [A hand makes a small fluttery gesture.] Mess.
[Experiments. Projects. There were so many Hojo's probably screwed over.
Things that could suffer, at Hojo's hands. People that could suffer, or animals. Hojo hadn't cared as long as he got results.
And neither had he.]
Monsters, mostly. Some local animals. But yes. It doesn't really matter if they were sapient or not. They were alive, and they could feel. I ... really was just using the same excuses my father was. 'It's for a good cause' is.. suddenly a lot harder to justify when you see it happen to someone.
I wanted control of myself. The things that come naturally to part of me, the illusions, the ...mental manipulations, they wouldn't just go away or stop being a risk if I tried to pretend they weren't there. It'd just mean I didn't get to choose when it happened.
[Every one of them was a mess, but what could be done about it except try to mitigate harm?]
Maybe kind of like what you regular SOLDIERs go through learning to not rip doors off their hinges instead of turning the knob. If you don't practice, you're going to destroy a lot of doors.
Oh, there's automatic doors now? We still have normal ones. Some say push or pull but there's always someone who doesn't bother to read. Automatic doors would.. probably save a lot of money, huh.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
timeasmymeasure
blah blah pseudonecessary introspection
Date: 2025-09-20 04:34 pm (UTC)And not unreasonably. Even to him this felt like it was a bad idea, giving too many avenues to once more inflict terrible things on Zack and by extension, Zack's boyfriend. Other friends too. The hurt and anger's still there, buried deep. He wasn't a legend anymore, after all. He was exactly what they said he was, in that stinking fog-shrouded swamp. It had been deserved, even when they only knew part of the things he'd been doing. Were you proud of me then, Zack?]
Straightforward enough. I wonder why it's the same.
[Nothing feels different yet, but it had taken both him and Vincent agreeing for anything to set in before. Slowly he uncoils a little from the knot of scale and wrapped limbs he'd been in since Zack arrived. It's not quite resignation, this isn't a punishment. He's not being forced, he could have put up more resistance than he had. He'd fought everything else, he could fight this too. Bonds require both parties to be willing, all he'd have to do is ... not want to.
But some traitorous part of him absolutely did want to, in spite of how sure he is he knows the result. Didn't care enough about the opinions of someone who hated him to refuse on those grounds alone. Was so tired of having to do everything on his own. More than enough to make agreeing to an Unfamiliar Bond willing and deliberate.
That same traitorous part is also certain this should be to a bright eyed Cloud of about his own age with a rare and sheepish smile like the sun breaking through a storm, a Legend for certain, someone he really could dedicate himself to--
A person who doesn't exist and never would. But Zack did. It was different; the illusion and what was real. What was real was a friend who stubbornly wasn't taking a hint to leave him be.
Dreams never got him anywhere, they needed to be put aside. This offered hand was reality and not delusion.]
You are my Legend; I dedicate myself to you.
[It's immediate.
It's nothing like the Familiar bond he knew, a direct link not to mind and heart but power and energy, the live wire of another being's life, and the pull is instantaneous towards the Myth half of the factor, a sudden draining draw that hadn't been there before.
It cuts out almost as immediately in time to the teen's sharp inhale of surprise. Months and months and months of work in Exile under Baba Yaga's tutelage does have benefits; he knows his own power well now, knows outside power when he feels it and knows how to block it like dropping a boulder into a stream. The sense of presence still hums there, almost but not quite tangible. Push and pull of power, Zack had said, sounding not exactly entirely sure of that fact.]
no subject
Date: 2025-09-20 05:27 pm (UTC)This one feels... well. Only at first. More fitting of the word. He can feel the draw from his end, towards Sephiroth, a gentle sap of strength he hadn't expected. It's not alarming, just an unexpected ebb that (in retrospect) he should have expected based on the bond's description. It's cut off just as quickly, but he makes a mental note of it, in case he feels it again. If that's the "pull" then he needs to learn how to push back. It'll be their job to learn the balance.]
That's... real different, huh. [His tone has no good or bad indicators, merely thoughtful. He's not sure what he'd expected, so different from what is unclear. It just is. Different.] You okay?
no subject
Date: 2025-09-20 06:08 pm (UTC)[Dedication in other situations meant devoting everything to something else, as far as Sephiroth understood. His limited experience both with connections to others and the one Bond he'd had before now suggested that Folkmore just used the word very differently from what he thought it meant.
Why would dedicating himself to someone else mean he suddenly had access to their.. what, personal lifestream? Their power?]
...I'm fine. [He is not, but in the context of this specific thing.. as good as could be expected.] It feels ... uncomfortably like I could ... use you like an elixir if I wanted to.
no subject
Date: 2025-09-21 04:44 am (UTC)[He doesn't really have any desire to test-drive it hard right now, everything is still too fresh. Not just the bond, but truly everything. Training will become very important later, though. There'll be no putting it off or ignoring it for too long, not again.]
no subject
Date: 2025-09-21 01:46 pm (UTC)[Now that he has a better idea of what a bond with a Legend actually is, he's not interested in testing it at all to empower himself. He had plenty of power as it was, more was completely unnecessary. And yet it seemed that innately, it was the Myth - or just him by virtue of being himself - that had the innate pull on the connection. He didn't want to liken it to the tug of Reunion, but it felt a little like that too.
But the other direction would need to be. And being certain it couldn't be done on accident. The amount of harm that could be done on accident is ... too much when he's involved.]
But when you are ready to try, you may.
no subject
Date: 2025-09-22 03:10 pm (UTC)[Zack shrugs his shoulders. The bond itself, he thinks, is the important part. He wants to feel the reminder. It isn't a bad thing.]
...I think... well, no, I know, what happened messed everybody up real good, and it's gonna take a while to come back from it. It's good to take some space, but don't hide away from everybody. That won't make you happy. You're allowed to be happy, too. No matter how it feels right now.
no subject
Date: 2025-09-22 08:26 pm (UTC)There's not a lot of 'everybody' left, anymore.
[Not his doing, he could think about that as he pleased at least. There were spirits, certainly, but fewer and fewer imports like himself and Zack.]
I'll be alright. [He has a lifelong problem with contending with his issues in solitude, but that's HIS problem.] I'm not...
[There's things he should say. A lot of them. But after a moment of trying to figure out how to even say what he wants to, he decides to leave it be.
Had it been worth it? The cost was high. He couldn't fool himself into thinking he had pure noble goals at the end, he might have done it even if he wasn't sure they could break free. He'd wanted it to hurt. 'Messed everybody up' was such a mild way to put it.]
Let me worry about my happiness. You should focus on yours.
[It's not meant as a dismissal, he means what he says even if the meaning isn't as clear as it could be. Zack deserved to be happy and things have been non-stop terrible.]
no subject
Date: 2025-09-27 04:39 pm (UTC)It doesn't matter that much, though, ultimately. This is already borrowed time. If his time here comes to an end, at least he had a few extra years with the people he loves. It's been good.
The people who get to live after they leave here, though- those are the ones he'd like to focus on. He's actually pretty happy. Cloud and Sephiroth aren't dead in their respective universes yet. He wants to do what he can to give them hope for the future, even if it might be without him.]
You think I can't do both at once? C'mon, it's like you don't even know me.
[He's Zack Fair! He can and will try to do everything, at all costs.]
no subject
Date: 2025-10-03 11:19 pm (UTC)[Whether or not it was a good idea, even.
The steady hiss of waves on the beach continues. The location wasn't only for its isolation, but how if he allowed it to, the sounds could relax him a little. It reminded him of the better parts of Robio. Before the flood of lifestream that destroyed it. Just glimmering soft beaches and the sound of waves.]
... I think. [Hesitation flickers back up by degrees.] I think, if he's willing. You and Cloud should .. practice resistance. Willpower. There was another me here, months ago. Not for long. A few days. Another could appear, or one of these Trials may make me become that man. I want you to be safe.
no subject
Date: 2025-10-04 03:05 am (UTC)[He's like 95% sure Cloud was already working on that, with the therapy guy and Aerith, before she vanished. Whether that's continued without her, or on hold... yeah, he doesn't know. But maybe it'd be smart for Zack to look into, as well. He'd never had to fight against that before. Really freaked him out.
He's not about to disclose that (guess or not) though, so his shrug is non-committal.]
The Jenova stuff never worked on me before. It was in the lab notes, I remember seeing it- no effect, no effect. Wonder what changed.
no subject
Date: 2025-10-06 02:50 am (UTC)[Then, it had been sharper than picking up on where Cloud is, the hum of Reunion its own detectable presence.]
It was different. And if it occurs once there's no saying it won't be brought back in some other Trial later. Right now I don't think I could reach you if I tried, the same way it's always been.
no subject
Date: 2025-10-09 04:31 am (UTC)I don't think I'd mind a connection. [Kind of why he'd thought of the bond to begin with.] It's just the control that makes it bad. Nobody should be able to control anybody else. We're all our own people. It's not fair that you got that power. ...Not fair for you, either.
[It's one more burden he has to carry, alongside the 'monster' belief.]
no subject
Date: 2025-10-12 12:41 am (UTC)[Whether or not free will is an illusion, depending on someone's ideas of fate and destiny, taking it away from someone else..
He didn't understand yet why his future self was so keen on doing it. But monsters do monstrous things.]
At least I won't be doing it on accident to anyone anymore. Baba Yaga's instruction was good enough for that.
no subject
Date: 2025-10-13 12:06 am (UTC)[This is the first time he's had to try and resist it, though; usually it had no effect on him, even with the added chemical mixture he'd gotten in the Nibelheim lab. So the experience is new, making him extra twitchy. He's glad to be back to normal.]
I'm glad if it helped you. You're really gonna stop making more of those, uh. [Monsters?] Animal, fusion... Exile things?
[Nailed it.]
no subject
Date: 2025-10-13 01:03 am (UTC)[Experiments. Projects. There were so many Hojo's probably screwed over.
Things that could suffer, at Hojo's hands. People that could suffer, or animals. Hojo hadn't cared as long as he got results.
And neither had he.]
Monsters, mostly. Some local animals. But yes. It doesn't really matter if they were sapient or not. They were alive, and they could feel. I ... really was just using the same excuses my father was. 'It's for a good cause' is.. suddenly a lot harder to justify when you see it happen to someone.
no subject
Date: 2025-10-13 01:53 am (UTC)[Every single one of them.]
What were you trying to do, anyway?
no subject
Date: 2025-10-13 02:11 am (UTC)[Every one of them was a mess, but what could be done about it except try to mitigate harm?]
Maybe kind of like what you regular SOLDIERs go through learning to not rip doors off their hinges instead of turning the knob. If you don't practice, you're going to destroy a lot of doors.
no subject
Date: 2025-10-13 02:26 am (UTC)Is that why the whole SOLDIER floor has automatic doors!?
no subject
Date: 2025-10-13 02:37 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2025-10-14 03:34 am (UTC)[Stupid bazillionaire gil-pinchers. Somehow he hates them even more than usual now.]