You might change your mind one day. It's okay if you don't, but okay if you do, too. Permission given.
[Zack shrugs his shoulders. The bond itself, he thinks, is the important part. He wants to feel the reminder. It isn't a bad thing.]
...I think... well, no, I know, what happened messed everybody up real good, and it's gonna take a while to come back from it. It's good to take some space, but don't hide away from everybody. That won't make you happy. You're allowed to be happy, too. No matter how it feels right now.
[What did make him happy? Would he know the difference between it and generalized contentment?]
There's not a lot of 'everybody' left, anymore.
[Not his doing, he could think about that as he pleased at least. There were spirits, certainly, but fewer and fewer imports like himself and Zack.]
I'll be alright. [He has a lifelong problem with contending with his issues in solitude, but that's HIS problem.] I'm not...
[There's things he should say. A lot of them. But after a moment of trying to figure out how to even say what he wants to, he decides to leave it be.
Had it been worth it? The cost was high. He couldn't fool himself into thinking he had pure noble goals at the end, he might have done it even if he wasn't sure they could break free. He'd wanted it to hurt. 'Messed everybody up' was such a mild way to put it.]
Let me worry about my happiness. You should focus on yours.
[It's not meant as a dismissal, he means what he says even if the meaning isn't as clear as it could be. Zack deserved to be happy and things have been non-stop terrible.]
[Zack's lips purse at the first comment. He's... not wrong, there. Numbers have dwindled, and it makes him worry for this realm. Will any of them still be around in half a year? Will he or Cloud be sent back to their world and not return, like Aerith?
It doesn't matter that much, though, ultimately. This is already borrowed time. If his time here comes to an end, at least he had a few extra years with the people he loves. It's been good.
The people who get to live after they leave here, though- those are the ones he'd like to focus on. He's actually pretty happy. Cloud and Sephiroth aren't dead in their respective universes yet. He wants to do what he can to give them hope for the future, even if it might be without him.]
You think I can't do both at once? C'mon, it's like you don't even know me.
[He's Zack Fair! He can and will try to do everything, at all costs.]
The steady hiss of waves on the beach continues. The location wasn't only for its isolation, but how if he allowed it to, the sounds could relax him a little. It reminded him of the better parts of Robio. Before the flood of lifestream that destroyed it. Just glimmering soft beaches and the sound of waves.]
... I think. [Hesitation flickers back up by degrees.] I think, if he's willing. You and Cloud should .. practice resistance. Willpower. There was another me here, months ago. Not for long. A few days. Another could appear, or one of these Trials may make me become that man. I want you to be safe.
[He's like 95% sure Cloud was already working on that, with the therapy guy and Aerith, before she vanished. Whether that's continued without her, or on hold... yeah, he doesn't know. But maybe it'd be smart for Zack to look into, as well. He'd never had to fight against that before. Really freaked him out.
He's not about to disclose that (guess or not) though, so his shrug is non-committal.]
The Jenova stuff never worked on me before. It was in the lab notes, I remember seeing it- no effect, no effect. Wonder what changed.
Something in that other place. Ordinarily I can't tell ... where you are, among other things. I can't now either, but then ..
[Then, it had been sharper than picking up on where Cloud is, the hum of Reunion its own detectable presence.]
It was different. And if it occurs once there's no saying it won't be brought back in some other Trial later. Right now I don't think I could reach you if I tried, the same way it's always been.
[Zack leans back a bit, considering that. It's good. It's good, but...]
I don't think I'd mind a connection. [Kind of why he'd thought of the bond to begin with.] It's just the control that makes it bad. Nobody should be able to control anybody else. We're all our own people. It's not fair that you got that power. ...Not fair for you, either.
[It's one more burden he has to carry, alongside the 'monster' belief.]
It's just willpower. I'd not be the one doing the controlling if the right person came along. But ... no, it's not something anyone should be able to do.
[Whether or not free will is an illusion, depending on someone's ideas of fate and destiny, taking it away from someone else..
He didn't understand yet why his future self was so keen on doing it. But monsters do monstrous things.]
At least I won't be doing it on accident to anyone anymore. Baba Yaga's instruction was good enough for that.
Feels kinda weird to call it just willpower when there's a bunch of alien goo giving people a leg up, but that kind of applies to you, too. Jenova was in his ear and we didn't even know it.
[This is the first time he's had to try and resist it, though; usually it had no effect on him, even with the added chemical mixture he'd gotten in the Nibelheim lab. So the experience is new, making him extra twitchy. He's glad to be back to normal.]
I'm glad if it helped you. You're really gonna stop making more of those, uh. [Monsters?] Animal, fusion... Exile things?
... Mm. So with the caveat of also needing to be part of that ..entire. [A hand makes a small fluttery gesture.] Mess.
[Experiments. Projects. There were so many Hojo's probably screwed over.
Things that could suffer, at Hojo's hands. People that could suffer, or animals. Hojo hadn't cared as long as he got results.
And neither had he.]
Monsters, mostly. Some local animals. But yes. It doesn't really matter if they were sapient or not. They were alive, and they could feel. I ... really was just using the same excuses my father was. 'It's for a good cause' is.. suddenly a lot harder to justify when you see it happen to someone.
I wanted control of myself. The things that come naturally to part of me, the illusions, the ...mental manipulations, they wouldn't just go away or stop being a risk if I tried to pretend they weren't there. It'd just mean I didn't get to choose when it happened.
[Every one of them was a mess, but what could be done about it except try to mitigate harm?]
Maybe kind of like what you regular SOLDIERs go through learning to not rip doors off their hinges instead of turning the knob. If you don't practice, you're going to destroy a lot of doors.
Oh, there's automatic doors now? We still have normal ones. Some say push or pull but there's always someone who doesn't bother to read. Automatic doors would.. probably save a lot of money, huh.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2025-09-22 03:10 pm (UTC)[Zack shrugs his shoulders. The bond itself, he thinks, is the important part. He wants to feel the reminder. It isn't a bad thing.]
...I think... well, no, I know, what happened messed everybody up real good, and it's gonna take a while to come back from it. It's good to take some space, but don't hide away from everybody. That won't make you happy. You're allowed to be happy, too. No matter how it feels right now.
no subject
Date: 2025-09-22 08:26 pm (UTC)There's not a lot of 'everybody' left, anymore.
[Not his doing, he could think about that as he pleased at least. There were spirits, certainly, but fewer and fewer imports like himself and Zack.]
I'll be alright. [He has a lifelong problem with contending with his issues in solitude, but that's HIS problem.] I'm not...
[There's things he should say. A lot of them. But after a moment of trying to figure out how to even say what he wants to, he decides to leave it be.
Had it been worth it? The cost was high. He couldn't fool himself into thinking he had pure noble goals at the end, he might have done it even if he wasn't sure they could break free. He'd wanted it to hurt. 'Messed everybody up' was such a mild way to put it.]
Let me worry about my happiness. You should focus on yours.
[It's not meant as a dismissal, he means what he says even if the meaning isn't as clear as it could be. Zack deserved to be happy and things have been non-stop terrible.]
no subject
Date: 2025-09-27 04:39 pm (UTC)It doesn't matter that much, though, ultimately. This is already borrowed time. If his time here comes to an end, at least he had a few extra years with the people he loves. It's been good.
The people who get to live after they leave here, though- those are the ones he'd like to focus on. He's actually pretty happy. Cloud and Sephiroth aren't dead in their respective universes yet. He wants to do what he can to give them hope for the future, even if it might be without him.]
You think I can't do both at once? C'mon, it's like you don't even know me.
[He's Zack Fair! He can and will try to do everything, at all costs.]
no subject
Date: 2025-10-03 11:19 pm (UTC)[Whether or not it was a good idea, even.
The steady hiss of waves on the beach continues. The location wasn't only for its isolation, but how if he allowed it to, the sounds could relax him a little. It reminded him of the better parts of Robio. Before the flood of lifestream that destroyed it. Just glimmering soft beaches and the sound of waves.]
... I think. [Hesitation flickers back up by degrees.] I think, if he's willing. You and Cloud should .. practice resistance. Willpower. There was another me here, months ago. Not for long. A few days. Another could appear, or one of these Trials may make me become that man. I want you to be safe.
no subject
Date: 2025-10-04 03:05 am (UTC)[He's like 95% sure Cloud was already working on that, with the therapy guy and Aerith, before she vanished. Whether that's continued without her, or on hold... yeah, he doesn't know. But maybe it'd be smart for Zack to look into, as well. He'd never had to fight against that before. Really freaked him out.
He's not about to disclose that (guess or not) though, so his shrug is non-committal.]
The Jenova stuff never worked on me before. It was in the lab notes, I remember seeing it- no effect, no effect. Wonder what changed.
no subject
Date: 2025-10-06 02:50 am (UTC)[Then, it had been sharper than picking up on where Cloud is, the hum of Reunion its own detectable presence.]
It was different. And if it occurs once there's no saying it won't be brought back in some other Trial later. Right now I don't think I could reach you if I tried, the same way it's always been.
no subject
Date: 2025-10-09 04:31 am (UTC)I don't think I'd mind a connection. [Kind of why he'd thought of the bond to begin with.] It's just the control that makes it bad. Nobody should be able to control anybody else. We're all our own people. It's not fair that you got that power. ...Not fair for you, either.
[It's one more burden he has to carry, alongside the 'monster' belief.]
no subject
Date: 2025-10-12 12:41 am (UTC)[Whether or not free will is an illusion, depending on someone's ideas of fate and destiny, taking it away from someone else..
He didn't understand yet why his future self was so keen on doing it. But monsters do monstrous things.]
At least I won't be doing it on accident to anyone anymore. Baba Yaga's instruction was good enough for that.
no subject
Date: 2025-10-13 12:06 am (UTC)[This is the first time he's had to try and resist it, though; usually it had no effect on him, even with the added chemical mixture he'd gotten in the Nibelheim lab. So the experience is new, making him extra twitchy. He's glad to be back to normal.]
I'm glad if it helped you. You're really gonna stop making more of those, uh. [Monsters?] Animal, fusion... Exile things?
[Nailed it.]
no subject
Date: 2025-10-13 01:03 am (UTC)[Experiments. Projects. There were so many Hojo's probably screwed over.
Things that could suffer, at Hojo's hands. People that could suffer, or animals. Hojo hadn't cared as long as he got results.
And neither had he.]
Monsters, mostly. Some local animals. But yes. It doesn't really matter if they were sapient or not. They were alive, and they could feel. I ... really was just using the same excuses my father was. 'It's for a good cause' is.. suddenly a lot harder to justify when you see it happen to someone.
no subject
Date: 2025-10-13 01:53 am (UTC)[Every single one of them.]
What were you trying to do, anyway?
no subject
Date: 2025-10-13 02:11 am (UTC)[Every one of them was a mess, but what could be done about it except try to mitigate harm?]
Maybe kind of like what you regular SOLDIERs go through learning to not rip doors off their hinges instead of turning the knob. If you don't practice, you're going to destroy a lot of doors.
no subject
Date: 2025-10-13 02:26 am (UTC)Is that why the whole SOLDIER floor has automatic doors!?
no subject
Date: 2025-10-13 02:37 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2025-10-14 03:34 am (UTC)[Stupid bazillionaire gil-pinchers. Somehow he hates them even more than usual now.]