[There was one undeniable benefit to all that hair. The curtain of silver bangs nearly completely hides his face if he chooses, and obscures the flicker of unquiet emotion. Zack would probably be furious if he figured it out. Cloud had already threatened to kill him multiple times for it, and they wouldn't be wrong. It was playing with fire. But if he didn't..
Fear was the right word to use, even if he was sure he couldn't feel it. And he absolutely expects to be scolded at the very least by the twitch of surprise when it's called a good idea instead.]
The Institute will do what they can. But that might not be .. enough. And I don't know a better way to find someone who might be able to help. Anonymously will have to do. I know it frightens people.
[Frightens more than just others. In the tent, even with all the dogs, it's close enough where he doesn't have to raise his voice. Vincent hadn't condemned him for overstepping, even knowing it was the very power that terrorized his friend.]
I don't ... know how long I have, so whatever I can find will need to be enough.
[While he didn't think he'd be sent back to Midgar so quickly, it was always possible, and who knows how long this time til he returned here.]
[ Watching means Vincent catches the twitch. But he had not spoken with just the intent of convincing Sephiroth that he was on the teen's side. For a brief moment, Vincent lifts his right hand from the dogs and looks at it. It's clenched and opened again a few times. Well, he won't be allowed to stop for very long dog noses are pushing up against him to continue. ]
Who knows? Might have been a better idea not to at one time. But things have changed. You know what's waiting if you fail. And there's opportunities here you wouldn't have back home.
[ And those two pieces but especially the troubles that knowing his future can bring and the unknown time they might have to make use of Folkmore, are more than enough cause to reevaluate. ]
They're frightened for many reasons but it's not really the power itself.
[ It's memories of the trauma invoked. That's reasonable. It should be expected. Vincent doesn't fear it in the same way but he acknowledges it. His concern had always been Sephiroth trying to practice on his own without any guidance. Of course he's not sure about this complete other end of the spectrum either. ]
So learning about it... and learning how to protect yourself against it, I've thought those are a good idea for a while.
[ He's hinted as much. But Sephiroth wasn't exactly open to letting outsiders necessarily pry into... well. That too is understandable. ]
[The dogs are terribly persistent, but the ones clustered around Sephiroth seem content to prepare to sleep for the night. Or fake it, at least, do robot dogs need sleep?
All of this has been a calculated risk, but one he'd only considered seriously once he'd been stripped of Legend status. Being a foot and a half bigger didn't really change anything as near as he could tell, but the rest?
Maybe it was the clarity of not having to be a hero. Nobody needed to know why he wanted to learn. Nobody needed to know what happens when he fails.]
They have reason to be worried. You do too. I don't..
[It's the same uncertain fidget, just upscaled. He could mask most anxieties; if he spoke it aloud would it guarantee it happens? Would that be letting doubt win?
Was it right to breathe a word of any of it to a Turk, to one who will, and has, suffered at his hands even if by association of friends being ravaged and dying? The message on the network not terribly long after his own asked the same question that ran in circles in his mind.
Quiet stretches long enough that it might seem like he was going to leave the thought unfinished, and when he speaks again, the words don't match the voice.]
[ Maybe it is intended to help Sephiroth rather than settle in themselves. But they are robots intended to act as dogs, so maybe sleep is a form of cycling diagnostics or entering a power saving mode. Maybe it's all of those things. ]
Hm?
[ Sure it's true Vincent has reason to be worried about the future. It's the 'I don't...' that calls upon his attention. Though his hand stays on the dogs settling in around him, his attention is fully upon the youth trapped in adult form. And despite what must be a haunting visage to one that has memories of what Sephiroth can do, he seems to be waiting patiently for the man to find the words he wants to speak. Just as he has for the teenager.
I don't think I can do it. ]
...
[ There is silence that follows the confession. It is not despair or disappointment, but the respect that such words rightly deserves. For a moment, Vincent's expression seems unaffected by the statement or emotion but this soon changes.
The way his features subtly shift, particularly the creases around his eyes and thin line of his brow that remains visible. It's compassion. Even empathy of a sort. He will not give the teen such words of assurance like 'I know you can'. The former Turk knows all too well the burden Sephiroth must bear. ]
You've got a heavy burden on your shoulders. It's understandable you have doubts. [ Fears. ] Are you...
[ Vincent stops there for a moment, rethinks his words and speaks again, ruby eyes focused on the adult as if they can see the teen underneath the glamour. ]
It's okay to share your doubts with me. If you're ready.
[ His tone suggests that he's been waiting for this possible moment for a while. ]
[Even in a life unaltered by the Fox, Sephiroth lives under the weight of expectation, and knowledge of what happens if he fails. At fourteen, his greatest concerns should be the upcoming school year, or who he has a crush on, or where he might go on a friday night with his friends, not the seemingly endless chains of suffering and death that await. And now it's a fight against a lifetime of training to even admit that he could fail without being punished for saying so.
Emotion has no place on the battlefield, and he's been slipping. This can't be about feelings, just fact, a clinical analysis of his capabilities versus what he needed to do.
And he would put everything on the line, even if it would eventually fail. Even a few lives changed would be worth it.]
I'm not strong enough. I don't know that I ever will be. I can kill the Professor. But Deepground? Mother?
[Fact. It's war maps, not emotions, can't be emotions.]
I will wager that never once was any of the team you and your allies made, made to face even my alien mother on your own. She would have defeated any one of you, maybe including Cloud, and he could defeat me at the height of my power. It took all of you and the blessing of the Planet itself to stop us.
[The tiger's ears flatten slowly back, disappearing into his hair, but his voice remains ... mostly steady, expression mostly carefully neutral. The effort is failing. It's not despair, not quite; he intended to try no matter what, but he knew how it would end.]
How can I face her, alone? How do I accomplish on my own what it took nine of you to do, when you had Cloud and an Ancient on your side? Even with a teacher..
[Realistically, he can accomplish one of those goals; an old unenhanced human is easy prey, but the rest... He's the first. There are no others, it'll be years before any other can hope to keep up with him.
It's a doomed mission. Either he fails and dies, or he fails and he burns the world to satisfy Jenova. Training in using those strange alien powers was a feeble hope.]
[ As Deepground is mentioned, Vincent's gaze seems a little more intense but he's not surprised. This mysterious ability to have knowledge is a common occurrence, where the man seems one step ahead (except sometimes when it matters). But that's not what's important right now. ]
It's frightening, isn't it?
[ Vincent offers this quietly. Gently and with audible compassion that rarely makes it to his words no matter how deeply he feels it.
No facts, not a logical rational on seeing the strategy presented will never work. Just... it's frightening, isn't it. ]
What we faced wasn't just Jenova. It was Sephiroth, who had five years to learn knowledge from the Lifestream. And find a way to channel the energy needed to summon Meteor. Thirty years of Shinra Company's ability to grow unchecked.
[ That won't make it any better. The scale was immense and it's certainly sounding like Vincent is about to say something trite. Like Sephiroth being the lynchpin can stop all that just by being himself right now. But he isn't. ]
The scale we faced was just as frightening. Nevermind what our actions allowed or didn't allow. How... the control Sephiroth had over Cloud led to... near misses. Or one of ours was working for Shinra all that time. How because of all this, someone died.
[ Among their party was sickness, lies, secrets, and even betrayal. And Aerith did pay for the delays and decisions that had spawned from that. Would she have run ahead, alone if there had been less of it? Would they not have made it in time if they weren't distracted by Cloud nearly killing her himself?
Vincent finds a way to sit down, drawing up his legs and letting his arms rest over his knees. The dogs mostly settle around him, some flopping partially on him but they seem willing to take very small bits of petting now that the two have started talking seriously. ]
You don't have to face Jenova alone, Sephiroth. You can choose to. Sounds like you think you have to. But that's not the case. Everyone that's living on our planet has a stake in what happens to it. Even people who aren't as strong as you are or can become. You don't have to do everything at once to save the world from yourself. Or protect what's important to you.
[ He has more to say. Vincent wants to say them but hesitates to do so all at once. There is a pause here where he looks closely Sephiroth. His own expression seems to show hesitance. Uncertainty. Is he saying the right thing? The former Turk tries to school himself. ]
[There's something, perhaps, that he's not conveying right. Something that eludes making it clear what the concern is, and he's not so used to explaining himself that he can unravel what it is and make it right. But in the end..]
Do I ask the Turks to abandon the company and come with me? They won't. Do I demand the victims of Deepground, younger than I am, throw away any future they might have? Who do I insist risk everything on the hopes that I don't choose to stand at her side instead of resist her, years upon years before anyone has even a hope of stopping me?
[In the half-dark of the tent, the mako green of his eyes is sharp and steady. He can keep his voice level, the smooth pleasant baritone he'd be well known for eventually, but it doesn't stop the tremor in his hands, buried in the fur of the sled dog.]
The only people who might have been willing to try, I ... I can't. Ask that of them.
[ There really isn't a lot of room. But still in the shadows of the tent it's clear Vincent shifts closer. The dogs are moving in ripples to let him do so but also the ruby eyes, with a gleam of their own, are getting closer.
And then there is the gunman's right hand, seeking to clasp Sephiroth's despite it being hidden in the fur of the dog. Does he know about the tremble? Maybe. ]
People may die. You, those close to you. That's the cost of change. The Turks might bend the rules for you, but I doubt they'll rebel against the company. Not unless things get extremely bad.
[ Not without something bigger, nastier at issue. And frankly, not having Hojo around may allow them to be more flexible when it comes to Sephiroth. As for the Deepground victims... most are kids. There will no doubt be other horrors down there. Either way they're not really an option; worse because Shinra will want them back, if only to cover up everything that happened.
And Vincent knows too damned well who will be tasked for that job. ]
You can go to me. [ The 'me' of that timeline. ] My fate's already set. And... those people... You can ask them, Sephiroth. But if you choose not to, it's fine.
[ So, even Sephiroth had people, back then... Is this why? Why the boy's so adamant to defy Shinra despite the indoctrination? Something to save... not the world from himself but certain people... ]
[It's embarassing to have such weakness on display, especially given he didn't have his usual childish frame to hide behind. Shameful. He should be beyond such things. The dilemma of every leader, who to send to die. Who's lives were weighed against the end goal and found an acceptable loss.
Except the duty of a leader is to protect his people, and asking strangers to put their lives on the line for his goals is unacceptable. Worse yet if he knows who they are. He knew most of his era's Turks at least by name and appearance, and if they didn't stand in his way when he killed Hojo and purged the entire research department, he'd owe them. Repaying that by asking them to die fighting an alien monster..
There's just a silent denial in a brief shake of his head, unfamiliar touch not shaken off but does lead him to at least try to remain still and not humiliate himself further.]
There's no telling if they'll be able to convince you to go with them.
[The Turks, and their mission to find their lost member. The thing that would likely decide whether or not they would help him in turn, though given Verdot's connection to Vincent he'd have wanted them to know anyway. Everyone knew how close a pair of Turks were, and that seemed to extend throughout the entire organization.]
No.
[He can't ask them. Wouldn't; it's the same thing isn't it? But he won't even consider it. He can't watch them die. Even seeing them get hurt would be unacceptable, and if Jenova was cruel enough, aware enough, she might make him do it directly.]
They're ... they were my team in Rhadore. They won't work with me again.
[ Neither man are affected by the low light conditions. Maybe they can pretend the shadows hide something by simply not speaking about that. Ignoring the facts of it.
Vincent isn't resting his hand on Sephiroth's to find the tremors. It's a tentative effort to offer support. Maybe... ease them. For a moment, the hand rested over the teen's squeezes. It's alright. ]
I'm... pretty stubborn. [ About himself. Especially at that time. ] Verdot tried once. But that was another life. You being involved might change things.
[ There is a pause. ]
I'll give you something to pass on through them. It should help but I don't know how much. And there's things I can help you with here. Even if I can't go with you to your time.
[ He's been to Deepground. So he can teach Sephiroth the way. And all the other lessons he intends to offer in what time they've got. It won't just be about non-lethal tactics.
Rhadore. When Vincent went to sleep, they were still in an alliance with the Shinra Company. Of course things change. How much he learned about the changes of the thirty years he lost out on is unclear but he did spend a lot of time wandering around.
He probably has an idea of the island's fate. And if Sephiroth was involved at some point, it's pretty clear Shinra's greed was partly to blame. ]
...Tell me about them? About what happened when you went back.
[ It's not quite a demand. The words might suggest that, the tone is asking. Vincent has been waiting for the opportunity for this as well. ]
I'm hoping to stack the odds in my favor as much as I can. Anything that can help, I'll consider.
[It's almost mumbled. Advice about Deepground, nonlethal tactics incase he has to fight the Turks, methods to handle his alien Mother in case she's not as dead as everyone thinks. Things that might make the Turks more willing to cooperate even against orders. Or .. sideways to orders, maybe.
But it's not going to be enough. Waking up Vincent in another world might well just put another life on the line Sephiroth doesn't want to risk.
None of it is easy to think about, but at least it doesn't seem like it's going to send him into a spiral of despair like it would have earlier. Small mercies. It doesn't mean he's any happier though.]
..Glenn Lodbrok, Matt Winsord, and Lucia Lin. They're P0s, the passive-type SOLDIER that came before my own active-type. No mako, just ... a lot of training. They're good people. Kind. Adaptable. I don't know why they were sent on a mission like Rhadore. Our directives were simple. Eliminate all remaining Rhadorans and find a place for a mako reactor. Unfortunately the island was so riddled with caves and badly geologically unstable that the first set of blasts caused a cascade that collapsed the caverns.
[And the entire archipelago sank. It's happened before, and the accidents and loss of life led to rule changes about who could and couldn't be on the ground when it happened. Even in Vincent's time, the occasional collapse was known. Just.. another hazard.]
When the Fox first took me it was right after the blasting began. And returned me at the same point. Lucia ... saw my wings, when I tested them. She didn't tell the others. They insisted on rescuing Rosen .. a Rhadoran boy, the only survivor, even against orders. Commandeered a helicopter. With the archipelago collapsing I went with them to try to make sure they came back alive and.. completed the mission.
[Eliminate all remaining Rhadorans.
It's true, and yet not at all the full story. And if Sephiroth pulls in on himself a little, grown size or not, surely it has nothing to do with the immediate surge of guilt and unhappiness. He made his choice, and it wasn't the stranger.]
They were furious. [Glenn was furious.] But I got them off the island before it collapsed entirely. Afterward.. [No more hugs. No more friendly shoulder pats, no more hair ruffles.] They left. Didn't say much. I never understood the idea that you could feel someone's anger at you but ... I learned.
[ Vincent remembers the earlier SOLDIER program. Before Jenova and mako... before Sephiroth. He might even be familiar with names. If he is, he doesn't say, letting the teen continue his tale.
It is not hard to read between the lines. And it's more important than affirming some past connection from before Sephiroth was even born. ]
Why did you kill the last Rhadoran boy?
[ Not one bit of judgement for it. A Turk would be the last person to judge a murder in the name of the company. That is to say, it might leave a bad taste in their mouth depending on the circumstances but...
He can imagine the fury, though. And the schism that followed even though those operatives from SOLDIER probably knew just as well what they went in for and what might have... should have been done. What would have happened if they left the Rhadoran or brought him back.
But that's not what's on Vincent's mind. Sephiroth will see him watching and listening, ever patient. ]
It wasn't because of the mission, was it?
[ Keen in discernment. He notices even the smallest things and currently, Sephiroth's profile is quite large. It is unfair. Yes it is, for the teenager to have to be a leader, make those choices, everything. But what's been done can't be changed. And the world was never nice. ]
[Finding out information about them was harder than finding anything out about his parents. Not a soul knew them, and history doesn't remember the poor ordinary souls that came first.
Rosen died because it was the compassionate choice.
Because he wanted to die and Sephiroth understood it, as fragile as his grasp of family and loyalty to a people were.
Because he had to choose to waste time trying to wrangle someone who didn't want to be wrangled, or risk his team dying in the island collapse, and a leader's responsibility is to the safety of his team.]
I had a job to do.
[It's the truth, and it also leaves so much out. It's believable, that something like Sephiroth would follow his orders to the letter, and if that said kill all of them then he would kill all of them.
It's also the easier explanation.]
He was ... little different than the other young Rhadorans I had already executed.
[Except Rosen hadn't fought back. Hadn't intended to fight back, had no weapons to do so with, no training to go with it.. The tremor's back.]
The copy of the necklace here is ... the only one left, now. The other was destroyed [By Glenn] during the island's collapse.
[ It would be easy to become convinced that there was nothing more to Rosen's death than orders. Kill every last Rhadoran. Vincent may have even thought that the adult Sephiroth currently appears to be would be capable of that.
The actual adult, not this illusion. He didn't miss how much the teen drew in on himself over this one particular death. Orders... but there's a lot more there. Even putting aside the priority Sephiroth's team had over one pity rescue... ]
You made a choice. [ Quiet. Simple. And with nothing to suggest whether he made the right or wrong one. Vincent would dearly like to press for more, but he fears losing the boy behind those careful defenses. ]
...Do you want to tell me about him? The Rhadoran boy. [ another pause, then the name ] ...Rosen
[ But... choices. Turks could empathize with having to kill on orders. Or following a mission that will lead to innocent lives lost. But they were also generally adults. Even the teenagers who signed up for the main army were not put in the position Sephiroth was.
Vincent had half a mind to suspect that this had been on purpose, to make sure the teen's conditioning had been absolute. It certainly seemed that way. He hides his disgust well. His anger. Neither would be of any help here and might give Sephiroth the wrong impression as to what he's angry about; fewer times had Vincent Valentine been as glad as he is now that his demeanor hid emotions well.
It is only interrupted briefly by Sephiroth mentioning the locket- the real one. And how it was lost. ]
...I'm sorry to hear that. About the locket.
[ He really, truly is. Though its echo remains here in Folkmore, is that really any comfort? It probably can't go back, like traits of one's Role and memory. ]
I won't judge your squad. But I think... deep down, they weren't really angry with you. Even if it was directed at you at the time.
[ It was knowing the futility of what they tried to do. Not wanting to face the cruelty of what would have happened to Rosen if he'd survived and been 'rescued'. The whole damn mess. And... not being able to stop Sephiroth from having to make that choice for them. Maybe some anger at the boy but... ]
I don't know much else. We hadn't spoken before. He had a dog, he was alone. They knew who was at fault, they watched me do it.
[Glenn and the others had spoken to Rosen at some length, but Sephiroth had not. Would it have made it harder, if he had?
Shinra likely couldn't have planned that so specifically. Who would have known about the Eye of Rhadore? Even the survey team's finding out about him had been an accident, the result of coincidence and bad luck. That it came down to him in the end... possibly the only one who could actually kill Rosen..
A terrible bit of bad luck, that. Though maybe not for Rosen; what else could he do, as the last of his kind?
Silence lapses then, the discomfort and unhappiness of knowing it felt wrong but that he should be proud, he'd completed his mission even at risk to himself, and gotten his team out intact. Nothing better could be asked. And yet.
And yet the price was the first kindness he'd ever known in his life, erased forever. He couldn't ask for their help, even if they'd speak to him. P0s were unenhanced.. targets, if they weren't careful. The best humanity could offer wasn't much against mako enhanced fighters.]
I know I won't die easily, and I won't stay down even when I'm killed. I'm the only acceptable choice. And if I can keep what I've gained here, then..
[Then he had a lot to do, and no time to do it in.]
I mean how you feel. About what happened. And what you chose to do. The fallout afterward.
[ For a second, Vincent's gaze shifts to somewhere else. A sign of awkwardness but he soon brings his gaze back. ]
I know it's... something you're struggling with. And maybe you don't want to... or think you shouldn't talk about it. That's fine if you don't. But if you want, I'll listen. And not speak of it to others.
[ His intent is sincere. His concern is in trying to convey it in words that won't sound demanding. It isn't about talking about it now. But giving Sephiroth the knowledge that it would be an option. One that won't be betrayed.
Though there will be a brief pause to let Sephiroth respond - or not - Vincent will soon shift to the teen's other response. ]
Hm. That's why you have doubts. Thinking you are the only acceptable choice. I disagree with that, but I understand the train of thought.
[ It's... hard to share that burden when all whom you can ask are... people you want to protect. From the dangers, the death... from oneself. ]
So. Let's work on planning and preparing. I'll teach you everything I can in the time we have. How to find people who can stand with you. Or barring that, helping in other ways. So it's not just you who's burdened with everything.
[ For a second a huff of air shakes Vincent's shoulders with a chuckle. ]
You can think of it as teaching you to think like a Turk if you want.
[ The humor sobers quickly though. There's another thing. ]
Find the other me. You're not the only one that's hard to kill. [ Impossible even. ] This body can't die. It'll be the same for him. So... don't think you have to stand alone.
It doesn't matter. Emotions have no place on the battlefield. Thirteen's methods of 'talk about feelings, whether or not you want to' will not help when I have to execute helpless scientists begging for their lives.
[They were a weakness, and if he indulged them it would get him hurt or his next team killed if he wasn't very careful. He couldn't afford such lapses, not against the amount of destruction he needed to inflict.
And there was going to be a lot of begging for lives if all goes well.
There's a brief, almost annoyed sounding huff at his doubts. He'd already explained why. Who else was he expected to sacrifice? How many needed to die? It was a price he did not find worth paying, and he was the only one who was going to be making that decision. If Jenova could expunge the entirety of the Cetra, who were by legend far more powerful than modern man.. none of them had a prayer, except maybe him.
And other 'kids' like him.]
If I have to tell you again I'm not putting others in the line of fire, I'm going to punctuate it by hitting you. [It's very, very quiet, and not at all malicious sounding. Threats worked for Glenn, maybe he needed to try someone else's style than his own. But dirty socks won't be effective here.] Maybe then you'll remember it.
[Vincent may .. or may not be able to die. But that didn't mean he was immune to infection, immune to Jenova - and an immortal weapon was hardly what she needed to get her hands on. A soft whine from the dog on his lap prefaces him jerking his hands back, little tufts of fur following the motion. There was certainly a downside to claws, they dug into things if he wasn't paying attention.]
Other ways are better. Different, more useful shapes than a coeurl. Removing people without killing them. Figuring out how to use what I've inherited before it simply makes me a target. I've heard enough lore can give other powers too. I'll just have to pick carefully.
Well, I can't say you're wrong about emotions on the battlefield exactly.
[ At least not without being a hypocrite. Emotions are important for why someone is fighting; to protect, for compassion. To want to save someone. It's what makes humans human and not merciless machines. But if Sephiroth expects Vincent to say they aren't on one right now... ]
The problem is that you're carrying them bottled up on the inside and you carry them everywhere. That's just as dangerous as letting them out. And there'll be a time they come out.
[ And it doesn't have to be literally, with the face of a monster. Or pivotal, as when catching a glimpse of a locket's picture before taking the final shot. ]
Well, they're always going to be there. [ He'll acknowledge that. ] Because it's the part of you that's human after all. But you still need to process them, Sephiroth. However you chose to do that is up to you.
[ What's going to happen if even one of those pleading scientists, for instance, has a face or a tone of voice that strikes such a similarity to Rosen as to give rise to those hidden, tamped down emotions? Or maybe some young guard recruit that happens on the scene of carnage?
When promised a an attack to emphasize the teen's conviction, Vincent closes his eyes for a moment. He would normally stop here. But stopping and avoiding isn't entirely going to help, is it? For once, as ruby eyes open again to gleam in the shadows in the canvas tent, his voice is firm. ]
Hit me if you want. But that won't change my opinion. Whatever you're thinking of protecting me from in your future, it was always something that was a threat in my past. I won't claim things will turn out the same. It's just that I'm proof that it's possible to overcome the same risks.
[ Vincent's hand is still near. As Sephiroth's jerks away from the dog because of the accidental damage, the man seeks to rest his own clenched one against the palm. Heedless of the threat of claws, willing to take the damage if Sephiroth accidentally grips too hard again in response. It is well likely to be symbolic; willing to reach out and stand with the boy even if it means he might get harmed. ]
Everyone on the planet has a right to fight this fight. Not all of them have what it takes. But if they show up, are you going to hit them all too?
[Nothing is said. Not for a while. And then, slowly, he shakes his head.]
No. I refuse to allow it.
[To what?
To all of it? Any of it? His voice is soft, in spite of the harshness of the words that follow.]
The last time it was left to 'everyone on the planet', they botched everything from my birth onward, and it nearly led to the death of the planet multiple times over. The last time you could have done something in my time, you slept. The last time fodder was thrown at Jenova, the Cetra went extinct. All of you failed to prevent problems from arising and only barely stopped their catastrophic results.
[The sharply hooked claws, better suited to a tiger than human fingers, flex slowly, but it's not an intentional thing any more than the pinned back ears are, white eyespots glaringly obvious on their black background.]
And I'm to prod another you into action when he should have been taking action for over a decade? Guilt him into aiding me? What a reliable ally that will be. I... I will not be burdened by your collective failures, nor will I allow them to repeat.
[The storm of unhappy emotion isn't as overwhelming as it usually is, the despair edged in bitter determination. If he died in the pursuit of his goals, then .. the world would be better for it anyway.]
This will be done my way, Mr. Valentine. It is my decision. Not yours. I will have no more innocent blood on my hands.
[ Of course his features start out serious, even grim. I refuse to allow it. Vincent intends to be firm and, in a rare moment of steeling himself for an argument with the teenager; beyond tentative pushing, there's a tension in the red cloaked man's demeanor that suggests he intends to stick his ground. Sephiroth may not have time to look for help, that's true. But if there is any chance and... if he survives what he intends to do, it feels imperative to convince the boy that this is not a battle he has to fight alone.
Or at the end of the day, truly should. He wants to give the teen the best possible chance at living and thus there is no anger in his set expression.
Not even when Sephiroth retaliates. A greater man than Vincent Valentine would have flinched. So there's no surprise when the gunman does and his gaze shifts briefly to the side. Shame. And of course guilt. Rarely are the ramifications of his choice spelled out to him. While he must accept it is what he, few have the ability to make accusations against that decision and cause it to stab so deeply.
Sephiroth is one of them. And the adult features do nothing to soften that blow. How many times had he observed the grown man that the teen could become and felt the weight of this particular sin after all. Teenager or adult, the two are interchangeable when it comes to the former Turk's weakness.
At least with the teen there was still the image of hope.
It is in silence Vincent accepts the words flung at him. Though claws prick through even the sturdy leather glove covering his right hand, he doesn't flinch again and his gaze returns to the young man.
The words spoken are hurtful, yes. Sephiroth has every right to send them Vincent's way. But Vincent slowly becomes aware of the anguish. Not just the physical tells; where the claws flexed or the ears turned back or earlier as the adult-glamoured teen curled in on himself trying to hide shame and regrets and unhappiness and despair. It's like watching tears that don't physically show, but are instead a keening sound.
So very like a monster in anguish over its nature and pain but has not the capacity to cry.
The boy isn't just letting himself be guided by Vincent's failures. He's trying to protect himself from being hurt. Innocent blood. Guilt him into action. Vincent's eyes widen a touch with realization. Oh, he could go with what he'd originally planned before, plus speak about how he's no innocent, this would be a far more suitable punishment. But no. That would not be the right thing to do right now.
He is grateful he had earlier moved close enough to do this. It would make it harder to avoid? And... to think overlong about it and maybe hesitate. Moving the hand which had been gripped by the teen, Vincent brings his other arm up and leans over with the intent of just... drawing Sephiroth into an embrace.
Adult appearance, gender differences all glamoured be damned. Vincent's aversion to contact also be cursed. There is a teenager that needs this.
Vincent would like to mutter a curse about how awkward it honestly feels. He's no good at this, never been and there's a part of him that thinks it's going to taint his effort to offer solace. Rather than cursing or saying anything else about choices and help and fate and future, the former Turk simply says quietly. ]
I'm sorry.
[ And for the first time it would be hard to doubt the man is offering this comfort for anyone but Sephiroth's sake. Not his guilt or shame or sin, not for Lucrecia or anyone else. Just one lonely fourteen year old kid with no one solely on his side. ]
[Once the Trial faded and he was back to wings and legendary status, this might well and truly be overwhelming, but this is still manageable. It's upsetting but not so much where he couldn't maintain a veneer of calm, and prepare arguments and counter-arguments, bury the profound disturbance of what he'd done and what he was going to have to keep doing and pretend. Like he's been doing ever since he realized the consequences of showing emotion. The universe over, kids younger than him are expected to save worlds, change history, accomplish great things against all odds, but .. they usually have close allies, entire teams. They achieve greatness through the power of friendship and tenacity. A method he's incapable of using.
There is no chance of him simply being allowed to live. The normalcy he wanted was for other people, dreams at best; the only 'life' he'd ever have was one of violence and bloodshed. It would be easier when he finally truly accepted it. He can make his refusal sound more stern like this, like a mature decision and not a child's petulance, make it more clear that he had thought about it - had thought about it a lot - and come to the decision that empty platitudes and suggestions he get other people killed was simply not good enough.
He wasn't good enough either, as he was. It seemed.. well and truly hopeless. He couldn't even save Rosen. One teenage boy. How was he going to save the world? Or help other worlds? ... Or even himself.
Argument is expected, not touch; he's ready for a fight, even if just a verbal one, not .. this. Certainly not while he looks like this, Familiar predator and in adult guise, strong and menacing and thoroughly too big for any such thing. In spite of their size difference it's not hard to pull him closer at all, and for a breath or two he's rigid with surprise, the dog only flicking one ear before comfortably maintaining its chosen spot on his lap. There isn't a word as he slowly leans, the tightness in his throat making it suddenly hard to get a whole breath and blurring his vision. In the dark of the tent, lit only by outside firelight, the curtain of silver hair hides all else but the tremor in his too-long frame and the quiet hitch of each inhale and exhale.]
[ It's a dark tent and maybe that helps. At least that's what someone can tell themselves later if they want. It really made no difference at the end of the moment.
Maybe he should have... just done this from the start, when Sephiroth came back. The thought strays through Vincent's own thoughts. Another regret. Not a sin at least. Not this time. He recognizes this is beyond comfort zone. His arms feel awkwardly placed to him; stiff and uncertain. The presence of the dogs aren't really helping the tangled mess of what do I do.
How long has it been since he hugged someone? Not since Lucrecia... He pushes that thought firmly down. This is not the time to let any comparisons take over and bring doubt. Because rather than pull back or struggle- he'd expected some resistance and had meant to hold on but it never came- Sephiroth leaned in.
Not sure if he was doing the right thing, Vincent tightened his arms a little. Then loosened. But only because he choose to press the palm of his right hand against Sephiroth's back. While he doesn't pat or rub, it stays like that. Possibly meant for the same reason one does those actions.
But his left hand withdraws for a moment. Gripping the edge of his cloak, bringing it up and casting it around Sephiroth's head and shoulders. As if outsiders might see through the canvas tent, only to find something else safeguarding against witnesses to the youth's weakness. ]
Go ahead.
[ The tears. The need to express what's been locked up in a cathartic way. ]
He wouldn't know. Only twice in his life has anyone offered such a gesture, and it came with Glenn's usual open bombastic warmth that was so utterly him that the idea of anyone else being like that was ... strange.
Or maybe touch is just so unfamiliar that even this scrap of awkward comfort is throwing a bone to a starving dog, as close to affection as he might ever get. There's no bright future awaiting him, of friends and family and joy to one day eclipse this, and part of him knows it. Maybe he could forgive himself the weakness, the sad, pathetic showing of Hojo's supposed best reduced to hiding under the cloak of a Turk as if it somehow hid the shame.
He doesn't break down into open sobbing, either through control or simple not knowing how to let go, but they'll soak through anyway with enough time when he turns just enough to bury his face against Vincent's shoulder.
It doesn't soothe his fears, the certainty of failure, the worries of simply repeating history and unleashing endless misery on others, but ... but for now, it's enough.]
[ No one will know. Vincent would like to promise that. But that's not something anyone could reasonably expect to remain hidden forever in a place like Folkmore. A place where the presiding deity will happily drop a fourteen year old child into a melting pot full of people who have 'seen the outcome of the future' in a way that is more like polishing rocks in a tumbler in hopes of making a couple pretty gems than it ever will be a smooth and gentle effort at opening the door of possibility.
But Folkmore rolls on. And who knows what will be revealed one day? It's also true that Turks are good at covering things up.
Sephiroth has long since learned Vincent is as warm as any living being. Ghostly, monster, vampire, dead may be things he could be accused of, but they all seem to fade away with familiar scents of person, leather, gun oil and fabric. Perhaps a touch of beast; the monster bit was at least a little true. And like all solid, living beings, he has a sturdy shoulder to cry on. No matter how long the teenager in the adult seeming needs to stay there, it will meet with no complaint. No impatience. And honestly no words. Vincent may not be one for them but it also doesn't seem they're needed. The dogs shift and adjust but settle quickly. The canvas blows in the winter wind and the fire crackles.
Vincent might wonder if wracking sobs would be better for Sephiroth in all that time. Is it something to worry about because it's lacking? No. No matter how cathartic it might be, it's enough that the young man is willing to do this much and is obviously releasing something with tears that have soaked through his clothes. Isn't that what's important? A baby step forward. Sometimes one must choose that over leaps of progress even when no one knows how much time any of them have. ]
[He's not going to move for a while. It's an awkward position, especially with the dogs, but surely it would be no great sin to just.. stay there for a while. Anyone willingly touching him is so rare that later it would seem a guilty indulgence at best, but in the moment it's a vast comfort, unheard of in his lifetime.
If there's the scent of blood somewhere under the dog and fur smell of Familiar, surely it can be disregarded for a while. Cure handled many things, and it wouldn't kill him to do nothing about any of it. But there is a point where, as time ticks on, where the subtle lean of his weight grows heavier gradually until he's no longer actually supporting himself at all; not a problem when someone's small, but the glamour is all encompassing and it may be difficult to keep him upright without losing a limb to pins and needles. He's been hiding pain and exhaustion very well until now, but it had to eventually catch up.]
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2024-07-31 06:02 pm (UTC)Fear was the right word to use, even if he was sure he couldn't feel it. And he absolutely expects to be scolded at the very least by the twitch of surprise when it's called a good idea instead.]
The Institute will do what they can. But that might not be .. enough. And I don't know a better way to find someone who might be able to help. Anonymously will have to do. I know it frightens people.
[Frightens more than just others. In the tent, even with all the dogs, it's close enough where he doesn't have to raise his voice. Vincent hadn't condemned him for overstepping, even knowing it was the very power that terrorized his friend.]
I don't ... know how long I have, so whatever I can find will need to be enough.
[While he didn't think he'd be sent back to Midgar so quickly, it was always possible, and who knows how long this time til he returned here.]
no subject
Date: 2024-07-31 08:57 pm (UTC)Who knows? Might have been a better idea not to at one time. But things have changed. You know what's waiting if you fail. And there's opportunities here you wouldn't have back home.
[ And those two pieces but especially the troubles that knowing his future can bring and the unknown time they might have to make use of Folkmore, are more than enough cause to reevaluate. ]
They're frightened for many reasons but it's not really the power itself.
[ It's memories of the trauma invoked. That's reasonable. It should be expected. Vincent doesn't fear it in the same way but he acknowledges it. His concern had always been Sephiroth trying to practice on his own without any guidance. Of course he's not sure about this complete other end of the spectrum either. ]
So learning about it... and learning how to protect yourself against it, I've thought those are a good idea for a while.
[ He's hinted as much. But Sephiroth wasn't exactly open to letting outsiders necessarily pry into... well. That too is understandable. ]
Sorry... if it seemed otherwise.
no subject
Date: 2024-07-31 09:10 pm (UTC)All of this has been a calculated risk, but one he'd only considered seriously once he'd been stripped of Legend status. Being a foot and a half bigger didn't really change anything as near as he could tell, but the rest?
Maybe it was the clarity of not having to be a hero. Nobody needed to know why he wanted to learn. Nobody needed to know what happens when he fails.]
They have reason to be worried. You do too. I don't..
[It's the same uncertain fidget, just upscaled. He could mask most anxieties; if he spoke it aloud would it guarantee it happens? Would that be letting doubt win?
Was it right to breathe a word of any of it to a Turk, to one who will, and has, suffered at his hands even if by association of friends being ravaged and dying? The message on the network not terribly long after his own asked the same question that ran in circles in his mind.
Quiet stretches long enough that it might seem like he was going to leave the thought unfinished, and when he speaks again, the words don't match the voice.]
I don't think I can do it.
no subject
Date: 2024-08-01 12:52 am (UTC)Hm?
[ Sure it's true Vincent has reason to be worried about the future. It's the 'I don't...' that calls upon his attention. Though his hand stays on the dogs settling in around him, his attention is fully upon the youth trapped in adult form. And despite what must be a haunting visage to one that has memories of what Sephiroth can do, he seems to be waiting patiently for the man to find the words he wants to speak. Just as he has for the teenager.
I don't think I can do it. ]
...
[ There is silence that follows the confession. It is not despair or disappointment, but the respect that such words rightly deserves. For a moment, Vincent's expression seems unaffected by the statement or emotion but this soon changes.
The way his features subtly shift, particularly the creases around his eyes and thin line of his brow that remains visible. It's compassion. Even empathy of a sort. He will not give the teen such words of assurance like 'I know you can'. The former Turk knows all too well the burden Sephiroth must bear. ]
You've got a heavy burden on your shoulders. It's understandable you have doubts. [ Fears. ] Are you...
[ Vincent stops there for a moment, rethinks his words and speaks again, ruby eyes focused on the adult as if they can see the teen underneath the glamour. ]
It's okay to share your doubts with me. If you're ready.
[ His tone suggests that he's been waiting for this possible moment for a while. ]
no subject
Date: 2024-08-01 01:20 am (UTC)[Even in a life unaltered by the Fox, Sephiroth lives under the weight of expectation, and knowledge of what happens if he fails.
At fourteen, his greatest concerns should be the upcoming school year, or who he has a crush on, or where he might go on a friday night with his friends, not the seemingly endless chains of suffering and death that await. And now it's a fight against a lifetime of training to even admit that he could fail without being punished for saying so.
Emotion has no place on the battlefield, and he's been slipping. This can't be about feelings, just fact, a clinical analysis of his capabilities versus what he needed to do.
And he would put everything on the line, even if it would eventually fail. Even a few lives changed would be worth it.]
I'm not strong enough. I don't know that I ever will be. I can kill the Professor. But Deepground? Mother?
[Fact. It's war maps, not emotions, can't be emotions.]
I will wager that never once was any of the team you and your allies made, made to face even my alien mother on your own. She would have defeated any one of you, maybe including Cloud, and he could defeat me at the height of my power. It took all of you and the blessing of the Planet itself to stop us.
[The tiger's ears flatten slowly back, disappearing into his hair, but his voice remains ... mostly steady, expression mostly carefully neutral. The effort is failing. It's not despair, not quite; he intended to try no matter what, but he knew how it would end.]
How can I face her, alone? How do I accomplish on my own what it took nine of you to do, when you had Cloud and an Ancient on your side? Even with a teacher..
[Realistically, he can accomplish one of those goals; an old unenhanced human is easy prey, but the rest... He's the first. There are no others, it'll be years before any other can hope to keep up with him.
It's a doomed mission. Either he fails and dies, or he fails and he burns the world to satisfy Jenova. Training in using those strange alien powers was a feeble hope.]
no subject
Date: 2024-08-03 07:33 pm (UTC)It's frightening, isn't it?
[ Vincent offers this quietly. Gently and with audible compassion that rarely makes it to his words no matter how deeply he feels it.
No facts, not a logical rational on seeing the strategy presented will never work. Just... it's frightening, isn't it. ]
What we faced wasn't just Jenova. It was Sephiroth, who had five years to learn knowledge from the Lifestream. And find a way to channel the energy needed to summon Meteor. Thirty years of Shinra Company's ability to grow unchecked.
[ That won't make it any better. The scale was immense and it's certainly sounding like Vincent is about to say something trite. Like Sephiroth being the lynchpin can stop all that just by being himself right now. But he isn't. ]
The scale we faced was just as frightening. Nevermind what our actions allowed or didn't allow. How... the control Sephiroth had over Cloud led to... near misses. Or one of ours was working for Shinra all that time. How because of all this, someone died.
[ Among their party was sickness, lies, secrets, and even betrayal. And Aerith did pay for the delays and decisions that had spawned from that. Would she have run ahead, alone if there had been less of it? Would they not have made it in time if they weren't distracted by Cloud nearly killing her himself?
Vincent finds a way to sit down, drawing up his legs and letting his arms rest over his knees. The dogs mostly settle around him, some flopping partially on him but they seem willing to take very small bits of petting now that the two have started talking seriously. ]
You don't have to face Jenova alone, Sephiroth. You can choose to. Sounds like you think you have to. But that's not the case. Everyone that's living on our planet has a stake in what happens to it. Even people who aren't as strong as you are or can become. You don't have to do everything at once to save the world from yourself. Or protect what's important to you.
[ He has more to say. Vincent wants to say them but hesitates to do so all at once. There is a pause here where he looks closely Sephiroth. His own expression seems to show hesitance. Uncertainty. Is he saying the right thing? The former Turk tries to school himself. ]
no subject
Date: 2024-08-03 07:52 pm (UTC)[There's something, perhaps, that he's not conveying right. Something that eludes making it clear what the concern is, and he's not so used to explaining himself that he can unravel what it is and make it right. But in the end..]
Do I ask the Turks to abandon the company and come with me? They won't. Do I demand the victims of Deepground, younger than I am, throw away any future they might have? Who do I insist risk everything on the hopes that I don't choose to stand at her side instead of resist her, years upon years before anyone has even a hope of stopping me?
[In the half-dark of the tent, the mako green of his eyes is sharp and steady. He can keep his voice level, the smooth pleasant baritone he'd be well known for eventually, but it doesn't stop the tremor in his hands, buried in the fur of the sled dog.]
The only people who might have been willing to try, I ... I can't. Ask that of them.
no subject
Date: 2024-08-03 08:29 pm (UTC)And then there is the gunman's right hand, seeking to clasp Sephiroth's despite it being hidden in the fur of the dog. Does he know about the tremble? Maybe. ]
People may die. You, those close to you. That's the cost of change. The Turks might bend the rules for you, but I doubt they'll rebel against the company. Not unless things get extremely bad.
[ Not without something bigger, nastier at issue. And frankly, not having Hojo around may allow them to be more flexible when it comes to Sephiroth. As for the Deepground victims... most are kids. There will no doubt be other horrors down there. Either way they're not really an option; worse because Shinra will want them back, if only to cover up everything that happened.
And Vincent knows too damned well who will be tasked for that job. ]
You can go to me. [ The 'me' of that timeline. ] My fate's already set. And... those people... You can ask them, Sephiroth. But if you choose not to, it's fine.
[ So, even Sephiroth had people, back then... Is this why? Why the boy's so adamant to defy Shinra despite the indoctrination? Something to save... not the world from himself but certain people... ]
Who are they?
no subject
Date: 2024-08-03 08:45 pm (UTC)Except the duty of a leader is to protect his people, and asking strangers to put their lives on the line for his goals is unacceptable. Worse yet if he knows who they are. He knew most of his era's Turks at least by name and appearance, and if they didn't stand in his way when he killed Hojo and purged the entire research department, he'd owe them. Repaying that by asking them to die fighting an alien monster..
There's just a silent denial in a brief shake of his head, unfamiliar touch not shaken off but does lead him to at least try to remain still and not humiliate himself further.]
There's no telling if they'll be able to convince you to go with them.
[The Turks, and their mission to find their lost member. The thing that would likely decide whether or not they would help him in turn, though given Verdot's connection to Vincent he'd have wanted them to know anyway. Everyone knew how close a pair of Turks were, and that seemed to extend throughout the entire organization.]
No.
[He can't ask them. Wouldn't; it's the same thing isn't it? But he won't even consider it. He can't watch them die. Even seeing them get hurt would be unacceptable, and if Jenova was cruel enough, aware enough, she might make him do it directly.]
They're ... they were my team in Rhadore. They won't work with me again.
no subject
Date: 2024-08-03 11:07 pm (UTC)Vincent isn't resting his hand on Sephiroth's to find the tremors. It's a tentative effort to offer support. Maybe... ease them. For a moment, the hand rested over the teen's squeezes. It's alright. ]
I'm... pretty stubborn. [ About himself. Especially at that time. ] Verdot tried once. But that was another life. You being involved might change things.
[ There is a pause. ]
I'll give you something to pass on through them. It should help but I don't know how much. And there's things I can help you with here. Even if I can't go with you to your time.
[ He's been to Deepground. So he can teach Sephiroth the way. And all the other lessons he intends to offer in what time they've got. It won't just be about non-lethal tactics.
Rhadore. When Vincent went to sleep, they were still in an alliance with the Shinra Company. Of course things change. How much he learned about the changes of the thirty years he lost out on is unclear but he did spend a lot of time wandering around.
He probably has an idea of the island's fate. And if Sephiroth was involved at some point, it's pretty clear Shinra's greed was partly to blame. ]
...Tell me about them? About what happened when you went back.
[ It's not quite a demand. The words might suggest that, the tone is asking. Vincent has been waiting for the opportunity for this as well. ]
no subject
Date: 2024-08-03 11:26 pm (UTC)[It's almost mumbled. Advice about Deepground, nonlethal tactics incase he has to fight the Turks, methods to handle his alien Mother in case she's not as dead as everyone thinks. Things that might make the Turks more willing to cooperate even against orders. Or .. sideways to orders, maybe.
But it's not going to be enough. Waking up Vincent in another world might well just put another life on the line Sephiroth doesn't want to risk.
None of it is easy to think about, but at least it doesn't seem like it's going to send him into a spiral of despair like it would have earlier. Small mercies. It doesn't mean he's any happier though.]
..Glenn Lodbrok, Matt Winsord, and Lucia Lin. They're P0s, the passive-type SOLDIER that came before my own active-type. No mako, just ... a lot of training. They're good people. Kind. Adaptable. I don't know why they were sent on a mission like Rhadore. Our directives were simple. Eliminate all remaining Rhadorans and find a place for a mako reactor. Unfortunately the island was so riddled with caves and badly geologically unstable that the first set of blasts caused a cascade that collapsed the caverns.
[And the entire archipelago sank. It's happened before, and the accidents and loss of life led to rule changes about who could and couldn't be on the ground when it happened. Even in Vincent's time, the occasional collapse was known. Just.. another hazard.]
When the Fox first took me it was right after the blasting began. And returned me at the same point. Lucia ... saw my wings, when I tested them. She didn't tell the others. They insisted on rescuing Rosen .. a Rhadoran boy, the only survivor, even against orders. Commandeered a helicopter. With the archipelago collapsing I went with them to try to make sure they came back alive and.. completed the mission.
[Eliminate all remaining Rhadorans.
It's true, and yet not at all the full story. And if Sephiroth pulls in on himself a little, grown size or not, surely it has nothing to do with the immediate surge of guilt and unhappiness. He made his choice, and it wasn't the stranger.]
They were furious. [Glenn was furious.] But I got them off the island before it collapsed entirely. Afterward.. [No more hugs. No more friendly shoulder pats, no more hair ruffles.] They left. Didn't say much. I never understood the idea that you could feel someone's anger at you but ... I learned.
no subject
Date: 2024-08-04 12:07 pm (UTC)It is not hard to read between the lines. And it's more important than affirming some past connection from before Sephiroth was even born. ]
Why did you kill the last Rhadoran boy?
[ Not one bit of judgement for it. A Turk would be the last person to judge a murder in the name of the company. That is to say, it might leave a bad taste in their mouth depending on the circumstances but...
He can imagine the fury, though. And the schism that followed even though those operatives from SOLDIER probably knew just as well what they went in for and what might have... should have been done. What would have happened if they left the Rhadoran or brought him back.
But that's not what's on Vincent's mind. Sephiroth will see him watching and listening, ever patient. ]
It wasn't because of the mission, was it?
[ Keen in discernment. He notices even the smallest things and currently, Sephiroth's profile is quite large. It is unfair. Yes it is, for the teenager to have to be a leader, make those choices, everything. But what's been done can't be changed. And the world was never nice. ]
no subject
Date: 2024-08-04 12:33 pm (UTC)Rosen died because it was the compassionate choice.
Because he wanted to die and Sephiroth understood it, as fragile as his grasp of family and loyalty to a people were.
Because he had to choose to waste time trying to wrangle someone who didn't want to be wrangled, or risk his team dying in the island collapse, and a leader's responsibility is to the safety of his team.]
I had a job to do.
[It's the truth, and it also leaves so much out. It's believable, that something like Sephiroth would follow his orders to the letter, and if that said kill all of them then he would kill all of them.
It's also the easier explanation.]
He was ... little different than the other young Rhadorans I had already executed.
[Except Rosen hadn't fought back. Hadn't intended to fight back, had no weapons to do so with, no training to go with it.. The tremor's back.]
The copy of the necklace here is ... the only one left, now. The other was destroyed [By Glenn] during the island's collapse.
no subject
Date: 2024-08-08 03:04 am (UTC)The actual adult, not this illusion. He didn't miss how much the teen drew in on himself over this one particular death. Orders... but there's a lot more there. Even putting aside the priority Sephiroth's team had over one pity rescue... ]
You made a choice. [ Quiet. Simple. And with nothing to suggest whether he made the right or wrong one. Vincent would dearly like to press for more, but he fears losing the boy behind those careful defenses. ]
...Do you want to tell me about him? The Rhadoran boy. [ another pause, then the name ] ...Rosen
[ But... choices. Turks could empathize with having to kill on orders. Or following a mission that will lead to innocent lives lost. But they were also generally adults. Even the teenagers who signed up for the main army were not put in the position Sephiroth was.
Vincent had half a mind to suspect that this had been on purpose, to make sure the teen's conditioning had been absolute. It certainly seemed that way. He hides his disgust well. His anger. Neither would be of any help here and might give Sephiroth the wrong impression as to what he's angry about; fewer times had Vincent Valentine been as glad as he is now that his demeanor hid emotions well.
It is only interrupted briefly by Sephiroth mentioning the locket- the real one. And how it was lost. ]
...I'm sorry to hear that. About the locket.
[ He really, truly is. Though its echo remains here in Folkmore, is that really any comfort? It probably can't go back, like traits of one's Role and memory. ]
I won't judge your squad. But I think... deep down, they weren't really angry with you. Even if it was directed at you at the time.
[ It was knowing the futility of what they tried to do. Not wanting to face the cruelty of what would have happened to Rosen if he'd survived and been 'rescued'. The whole damn mess. And... not being able to stop Sephiroth from having to make that choice for them. Maybe some anger at the boy but... ]
But... I see why you can't ask them.
no subject
Date: 2024-08-09 06:46 pm (UTC)[Glenn and the others had spoken to Rosen at some length, but Sephiroth had not. Would it have made it harder, if he had?
Shinra likely couldn't have planned that so specifically. Who would have known about the Eye of Rhadore? Even the survey team's finding out about him had been an accident, the result of coincidence and bad luck. That it came down to him in the end... possibly the only one who could actually kill Rosen..
A terrible bit of bad luck, that. Though maybe not for Rosen; what else could he do, as the last of his kind?
Silence lapses then, the discomfort and unhappiness of knowing it felt wrong but that he should be proud, he'd completed his mission even at risk to himself, and gotten his team out intact. Nothing better could be asked. And yet.
And yet the price was the first kindness he'd ever known in his life, erased forever. He couldn't ask for their help, even if they'd speak to him. P0s were unenhanced.. targets, if they weren't careful. The best humanity could offer wasn't much against mako enhanced fighters.]
I know I won't die easily, and I won't stay down even when I'm killed. I'm the only acceptable choice. And if I can keep what I've gained here, then..
[Then he had a lot to do, and no time to do it in.]
no subject
Date: 2024-08-10 01:04 am (UTC)[ For a second, Vincent's gaze shifts to somewhere else. A sign of awkwardness but he soon brings his gaze back. ]
I know it's... something you're struggling with. And maybe you don't want to... or think you shouldn't talk about it. That's fine if you don't. But if you want, I'll listen. And not speak of it to others.
[ His intent is sincere. His concern is in trying to convey it in words that won't sound demanding. It isn't about talking about it now. But giving Sephiroth the knowledge that it would be an option. One that won't be betrayed.
Though there will be a brief pause to let Sephiroth respond - or not - Vincent will soon shift to the teen's other response. ]
Hm. That's why you have doubts. Thinking you are the only acceptable choice. I disagree with that, but I understand the train of thought.
[ It's... hard to share that burden when all whom you can ask are... people you want to protect. From the dangers, the death... from oneself. ]
So. Let's work on planning and preparing. I'll teach you everything I can in the time we have. How to find people who can stand with you. Or barring that, helping in other ways. So it's not just you who's burdened with everything.
[ For a second a huff of air shakes Vincent's shoulders with a chuckle. ]
You can think of it as teaching you to think like a Turk if you want.
[ The humor sobers quickly though. There's another thing. ]
Find the other me. You're not the only one that's hard to kill. [ Impossible even. ] This body can't die. It'll be the same for him. So... don't think you have to stand alone.
no subject
Date: 2024-08-10 01:17 pm (UTC)[They were a weakness, and if he indulged them it would get him hurt or his next team killed if he wasn't very careful. He couldn't afford such lapses, not against the amount of destruction he needed to inflict.
And there was going to be a lot of begging for lives if all goes well.
There's a brief, almost annoyed sounding huff at his doubts. He'd already explained why. Who else was he expected to sacrifice? How many needed to die? It was a price he did not find worth paying, and he was the only one who was going to be making that decision. If Jenova could expunge the entirety of the Cetra, who were by legend far more powerful than modern man.. none of them had a prayer, except maybe him.
And other 'kids' like him.]
If I have to tell you again I'm not putting others in the line of fire, I'm going to punctuate it by hitting you. [It's very, very quiet, and not at all malicious sounding. Threats worked for Glenn, maybe he needed to try someone else's style than his own. But dirty socks won't be effective here.] Maybe then you'll remember it.
[Vincent may .. or may not be able to die. But that didn't mean he was immune to infection, immune to Jenova - and an immortal weapon was hardly what she needed to get her hands on. A soft whine from the dog on his lap prefaces him jerking his hands back, little tufts of fur following the motion. There was certainly a downside to claws, they dug into things if he wasn't paying attention.]
Other ways are better. Different, more useful shapes than a coeurl. Removing people without killing them. Figuring out how to use what I've inherited before it simply makes me a target. I've heard enough lore can give other powers too. I'll just have to pick carefully.
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Date: 2024-08-10 09:17 pm (UTC)[ At least not without being a hypocrite. Emotions are important for why someone is fighting; to protect, for compassion. To want to save someone. It's what makes humans human and not merciless machines. But if Sephiroth expects Vincent to say they aren't on one right now... ]
The problem is that you're carrying them bottled up on the inside and you carry them everywhere. That's just as dangerous as letting them out. And there'll be a time they come out.
[ And it doesn't have to be literally, with the face of a monster. Or pivotal, as when catching a glimpse of a locket's picture before taking the final shot. ]
Well, they're always going to be there. [ He'll acknowledge that. ] Because it's the part of you that's human after all. But you still need to process them, Sephiroth. However you chose to do that is up to you.
[ What's going to happen if even one of those pleading scientists, for instance, has a face or a tone of voice that strikes such a similarity to Rosen as to give rise to those hidden, tamped down emotions? Or maybe some young guard recruit that happens on the scene of carnage?
When promised a an attack to emphasize the teen's conviction, Vincent closes his eyes for a moment. He would normally stop here. But stopping and avoiding isn't entirely going to help, is it? For once, as ruby eyes open again to gleam in the shadows in the canvas tent, his voice is firm. ]
Hit me if you want. But that won't change my opinion. Whatever you're thinking of protecting me from in your future, it was always something that was a threat in my past. I won't claim things will turn out the same. It's just that I'm proof that it's possible to overcome the same risks.
[ Vincent's hand is still near. As Sephiroth's jerks away from the dog because of the accidental damage, the man seeks to rest his own clenched one against the palm. Heedless of the threat of claws, willing to take the damage if Sephiroth accidentally grips too hard again in response. It is well likely to be symbolic; willing to reach out and stand with the boy even if it means he might get harmed. ]
Everyone on the planet has a right to fight this fight. Not all of them have what it takes. But if they show up, are you going to hit them all too?
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Date: 2024-08-10 10:25 pm (UTC)No. I refuse to allow it.
[To what?
To all of it? Any of it? His voice is soft, in spite of the harshness of the words that follow.]
The last time it was left to 'everyone on the planet', they botched everything from my birth onward, and it nearly led to the death of the planet multiple times over. The last time you could have done something in my time, you slept. The last time fodder was thrown at Jenova, the Cetra went extinct. All of you failed to prevent problems from arising and only barely stopped their catastrophic results.
[The sharply hooked claws, better suited to a tiger than human fingers, flex slowly, but it's not an intentional thing any more than the pinned back ears are, white eyespots glaringly obvious on their black background.]
And I'm to prod another you into action when he should have been taking action for over a decade? Guilt him into aiding me? What a reliable ally that will be. I... I will not be burdened by your collective failures, nor will I allow them to repeat.
[The storm of unhappy emotion isn't as overwhelming as it usually is, the despair edged in bitter determination. If he died in the pursuit of his goals, then .. the world would be better for it anyway.]
This will be done my way, Mr. Valentine. It is my decision. Not yours. I will have no more innocent blood on my hands.
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Date: 2024-08-11 01:48 am (UTC)Or at the end of the day, truly should. He wants to give the teen the best possible chance at living and thus there is no anger in his set expression.
Not even when Sephiroth retaliates. A greater man than Vincent Valentine would have flinched. So there's no surprise when the gunman does and his gaze shifts briefly to the side. Shame. And of course guilt. Rarely are the ramifications of his choice spelled out to him. While he must accept it is what he, few have the ability to make accusations against that decision and cause it to stab so deeply.
Sephiroth is one of them. And the adult features do nothing to soften that blow. How many times had he observed the grown man that the teen could become and felt the weight of this particular sin after all. Teenager or adult, the two are interchangeable when it comes to the former Turk's weakness.
At least with the teen there was still the image of hope.
It is in silence Vincent accepts the words flung at him. Though claws prick through even the sturdy leather glove covering his right hand, he doesn't flinch again and his gaze returns to the young man.
The words spoken are hurtful, yes. Sephiroth has every right to send them Vincent's way. But Vincent slowly becomes aware of the anguish. Not just the physical tells; where the claws flexed or the ears turned back or earlier as the adult-glamoured teen curled in on himself trying to hide shame and regrets and unhappiness and despair. It's like watching tears that don't physically show, but are instead a keening sound.
So very like a monster in anguish over its nature and pain but has not the capacity to cry.
The boy isn't just letting himself be guided by Vincent's failures. He's trying to protect himself from being hurt. Innocent blood. Guilt him into action. Vincent's eyes widen a touch with realization. Oh, he could go with what he'd originally planned before, plus speak about how he's no innocent, this would be a far more suitable punishment. But no. That would not be the right thing to do right now.
He is grateful he had earlier moved close enough to do this. It would make it harder to avoid? And... to think overlong about it and maybe hesitate. Moving the hand which had been gripped by the teen, Vincent brings his other arm up and leans over with the intent of just... drawing Sephiroth into an embrace.
Adult appearance, gender differences all glamoured be damned. Vincent's aversion to contact also be cursed. There is a teenager that needs this.
Vincent would like to mutter a curse about how awkward it honestly feels. He's no good at this, never been and there's a part of him that thinks it's going to taint his effort to offer solace. Rather than cursing or saying anything else about choices and help and fate and future, the former Turk simply says quietly. ]
I'm sorry.
[ And for the first time it would be hard to doubt the man is offering this comfort for anyone but Sephiroth's sake. Not his guilt or shame or sin, not for Lucrecia or anyone else. Just one lonely fourteen year old kid with no one solely on his side. ]
no subject
Date: 2024-08-12 09:38 pm (UTC)There is no chance of him simply being allowed to live. The normalcy he wanted was for other people, dreams at best; the only 'life' he'd ever have was one of violence and bloodshed. It would be easier when he finally truly accepted it. He can make his refusal sound more stern like this, like a mature decision and not a child's petulance, make it more clear that he had thought about it - had thought about it a lot - and come to the decision that empty platitudes and suggestions he get other people killed was simply not good enough.
He wasn't good enough either, as he was. It seemed.. well and truly hopeless. He couldn't even save Rosen. One teenage boy. How was he going to save the world? Or help other worlds? ... Or even himself.
Argument is expected, not touch; he's ready for a fight, even if just a verbal one, not .. this. Certainly not while he looks like this, Familiar predator and in adult guise, strong and menacing and thoroughly too big for any such thing. In spite of their size difference it's not hard to pull him closer at all, and for a breath or two he's rigid with surprise, the dog only flicking one ear before comfortably maintaining its chosen spot on his lap. There isn't a word as he slowly leans, the tightness in his throat making it suddenly hard to get a whole breath and blurring his vision. In the dark of the tent, lit only by outside firelight, the curtain of silver hair hides all else but the tremor in his too-long frame and the quiet hitch of each inhale and exhale.]
no subject
Date: 2024-08-13 10:07 am (UTC)Maybe he should have... just done this from the start, when Sephiroth came back. The thought strays through Vincent's own thoughts. Another regret. Not a sin at least. Not this time. He recognizes this is beyond comfort zone. His arms feel awkwardly placed to him; stiff and uncertain. The presence of the dogs aren't really helping the tangled mess of what do I do.
How long has it been since he hugged someone? Not since Lucrecia... He pushes that thought firmly down. This is not the time to let any comparisons take over and bring doubt. Because rather than pull back or struggle- he'd expected some resistance and had meant to hold on but it never came- Sephiroth leaned in.
Not sure if he was doing the right thing, Vincent tightened his arms a little. Then loosened. But only because he choose to press the palm of his right hand against Sephiroth's back. While he doesn't pat or rub, it stays like that. Possibly meant for the same reason one does those actions.
But his left hand withdraws for a moment. Gripping the edge of his cloak, bringing it up and casting it around Sephiroth's head and shoulders. As if outsiders might see through the canvas tent, only to find something else safeguarding against witnesses to the youth's weakness. ]
Go ahead.
[ The tears. The need to express what's been locked up in a cathartic way. ]
no subject
Date: 2024-08-16 11:58 pm (UTC)He wouldn't know. Only twice in his life has anyone offered such a gesture, and it came with Glenn's usual open bombastic warmth that was so utterly him that the idea of anyone else being like that was ... strange.
Or maybe touch is just so unfamiliar that even this scrap of awkward comfort is throwing a bone to a starving dog, as close to affection as he might ever get. There's no bright future awaiting him, of friends and family and joy to one day eclipse this, and part of him knows it. Maybe he could forgive himself the weakness, the sad, pathetic showing of Hojo's supposed best reduced to hiding under the cloak of a Turk as if it somehow hid the shame.
He doesn't break down into open sobbing, either through control or simple not knowing how to let go, but they'll soak through anyway with enough time when he turns just enough to bury his face against Vincent's shoulder.
It doesn't soothe his fears, the certainty of failure, the worries of simply repeating history and unleashing endless misery on others, but ... but for now, it's enough.]
no subject
Date: 2024-08-17 01:26 pm (UTC)But Folkmore rolls on. And who knows what will be revealed one day? It's also true that Turks are good at covering things up.
Sephiroth has long since learned Vincent is as warm as any living being. Ghostly, monster, vampire, dead may be things he could be accused of, but they all seem to fade away with familiar scents of person, leather, gun oil and fabric. Perhaps a touch of beast; the monster bit was at least a little true. And like all solid, living beings, he has a sturdy shoulder to cry on. No matter how long the teenager in the adult seeming needs to stay there, it will meet with no complaint. No impatience. And honestly no words. Vincent may not be one for them but it also doesn't seem they're needed. The dogs shift and adjust but settle quickly. The canvas blows in the winter wind and the fire crackles.
Vincent might wonder if wracking sobs would be better for Sephiroth in all that time. Is it something to worry about because it's lacking? No. No matter how cathartic it might be, it's enough that the young man is willing to do this much and is obviously releasing something with tears that have soaked through his clothes. Isn't that what's important? A baby step forward. Sometimes one must choose that over leaps of progress even when no one knows how much time any of them have. ]
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Date: 2024-08-22 01:51 pm (UTC)If there's the scent of blood somewhere under the dog and fur smell of Familiar, surely it can be disregarded for a while. Cure handled many things, and it wouldn't kill him to do nothing about any of it. But there is a point where, as time ticks on, where the subtle lean of his weight grows heavier gradually until he's no longer actually supporting himself at all; not a problem when someone's small, but the glamour is all encompassing and it may be difficult to keep him upright without losing a limb to pins and needles. He's been hiding pain and exhaustion very well until now, but it had to eventually catch up.]
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